i just saw this and thought of you (you know who you are):

Two Nerds

Two rather nerdy engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

LOL!

hehehehehehe

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician shared an apartment.  One evening a fire broke out while they slept.  The fire made it to the engineer's bedroom first.

The engineer jumped out of bed and ran into the kitchen.  He calculated how much water he needed to douse the flames to 10% error.  He ran back into his bedroom, dumped the water on his bed and retired to his slightly soggy bed.

When the fire spread to the physicist's bed, he ran out to the kitchen, calculated exactly how much water to use, dumped the water on his bed and went back to perfectly dry bed.

When the fire spread to the mathematician's room, he ran into the kitchen, proved that there existed an amount of water that would put out the flames and went back to bed.

An engineer a biologist and a mathematician are watching a house. They see 2 people walk inside and agree that there are now 2 people inside the house. They then see 3 people walk out

The engineer: "We must have miscounted"

The biologist: "They must have reproduced"

The mathematician: "If one more person goes in, the house will be empty"

lol!

HAHAHAHA

Why do they all pick on mathematicians?!

Brilliant!

Project Managers also have that "nerdy" label.  Here is proof.

There was a huge construction project going on and it was falling behind schedule and the budget was escalating.  The Architect, Chief Engineer and Project manager went out for a walk along a nearby beach to have a chat about things during lunch.  The engineer was kicking his feet in the sand and hit a shiny object.  he picked it up and dusted it off.  Soon enough it was recognised as a silver oil lamp and the dusting off had disturbed the Genie - out he popped.  The three chaps were quite amazed and stopped in their tracks.  The Genie said.  "Hmmm... bit of a problem here, there are three of you, the engineer technically gets the wishes..." the engineer cut him off by saying, "couldn't you just give us a wish each?".  "brilliant idea said the Genie, who's first?"

The Engineer piped up "I'll go first.  I want to be incredibly rich and to be sunning myself on my $30,000,000 yatch in the Carribean surrounded by gorgeous women.  POUF! off he went.

The Architect said, "I want the same as the Engineer but I want to be in the Maldives."  POUF! off he went.

The Genie looked to the Project Manager and asked what he wanted.  After a short pause he said.  "I want those two bastards back after lunch!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAH

Oh my....

Accountants also fall into the same category.  Again some proof.

A man in a hot air balloon came down in the middle of a field.  It just so happened that a chap was out walking his dog over the same field.  The ballonist shouted to hime  "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"  The man with the dog said.  "Yes of course.  You are in a balloon in the middle of this field"

"Yeah right, thanks" said the man in the balloon.  and continued "I don't suppose you are an accountant are you?"  The man with the dog said, "Yes as it happens, I am.  How on earth did you know that?"

Ok so the punch line goes on to say  "I know you are an accountant because your information is essentially correct but it is totally meaningless to the person who asked you for it".

LOL!!

And what category is this again?

who cares, but somehow everything sort of fits so far!

hehehehe

I've heard a similar joke but with manager vs. engineer

Goes something like: A man is adrift in a hot air balloon, lost after being caught in a storm or some such thing. He lands and asks someone where he is, and they reply "in a balloon-basket in the middle of a field"

Balloon-man says "You must be an engineer, everything you've said was true but it got me no closer to solving my problem"

The engineer says "You're right, and you must be in management. You've turned up here without a clue where you are or what you're doing and asked me for help. I give you perfectly valid information that you're unable to make use of, and suddenly your problem is my fault"

Another one:

3 statisticians go duck hunting, and are all set up in their duck-hide, have deployed the decoy ducks, have a duck-retrieving dog ready, they're all fully prepared, then just as soon as the narrator's done with pointless description a duck flies out.

The first statistician takes a shot and misses, his shot going one metre below the duck

The second statistician takes a shot and misses, his shot going one metre above the duck.

The third statistician says "We got it!"

...

ah yehhhhh...looooooooooooooooooooooool

If one more person goes in, the house will be empty

I don't know why but i found that really funny. 

i think you found it really funny because it's pretty funny.

heheheh yeah

Four Men in a Car

Four men rode in a car: a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer.

The car stalled out.

The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the pistons; let's repair them and be on our way."

The electrical engineer said, "It has to be the spark plugs; we'll replace them and be ready to roll in no time at all."

The chemical engineer said. "No, it's got to be bad gas; we'll flush the system and be on our way."

They turned to the computer engineer. "What do you think we should do?" they asked.

The computer engineer shrugged and said, "Let's get out of the car, close the doors, then get back in and try restarting it."

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA my best friend works in IT...he says that  ALL the time!!

Turn it off and on again... works for all kinds of things where for some reason the stupid machine's tied itself up in a knot over nothing and needs to start over from the beginning

ROFL!!!

That's like the standard IT crowd answer to support calls!

(bonus points for noticing the shirt)

I know and love that show 

Apparently he also once wore that pacman shirt I posted in that geek-shirt topic (the one of what happens if you reach level 256, when it breaks the game and goes all crazy)

Yeah! I saw that!

I really make it a point to note what he's wearing

And I love the show too!

I just wish they made more than just 6 eps a season

This is a classic!

wedding rings

'I'll be your LAN if you'll be my connector'

hahaha, good one deezee.......I likes it.

Meanwhile, I can relate to this...........

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading "WHERE AM I?" and hold it up for the building's occupants to see.

People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer."

LOL!!

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure." The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thinkpad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says....... "You have exactly 1586 sheep." "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car. Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?" "OK, why not." answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd. "That's correct." says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give me back my dog."

now give me back my dog.

great! 

and now for something slightly different:

an engineer's guide to cats

Wow volumes...

i wonder wot else could be described by engineers?

heheheheh So funny!

Another great find bluegirl!

i can't really take credit.

someone posted this on another forum that i'm involved in and i just thought it was a good fit for here.

Still excellent!

I've watched it twice now

I vote for people not to post videos or large pictures towards the end of the month for those of us "suffering" on shaped connections....I mean, I already waited over 8 minutes just for this page to load 

ok, I think I'm done with my little rant now

shaped connections??

No, wait, I'm not.

-- AND That goes for ALL topics, on ALL forums, on ALL pages EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!

(ok, now I'm done)

google it. my connection is too slow so I can't be bothered

::In The Meantime::

I want this!

*runs away and hides, just in case Morgan isn't finished*

LOL

sorry, morgan.

but, i don't know that i could not post a video like this one......it's too good.

speaking of which, the makers of the video have now made another video asking people to petition that the engineer's guide to cats be made a feature video on youtube.

i will not post that video (out of respect for morgan), but i will post the link for anyone who is interested:

An Engineer's Guide to Cats - Petition YouTube! 

Traffic shaping is the height of lameness.

I think I may have been on the hitlist for a while... our connection when we first switched to a new ISP was pretty good. Then I pretty much ran rampant over the download limit one time, and nothing seemed to happen but then for a while the speed was terrible.

Since we'd heard nothing from them I assumed they just sucked or were struggling to keep up with demand, which there was a lot of because they'd just started offering free broadband forever if you were using them for your phone (and their phone rates were damn good too, so lots of people suddenly wanted to get on their network)

Just recently, and after having a bit of an ebb in my download traffic, the speeds have picked up again.

So either I was being throttled to within an inch of my life, and now I'm not... or they just upgraded their systems.

I tend to manage my limit pretty well.... I tend to download at the beginning and at the end of the month.

And bluegirl, you can embed all you want - it doesn't start downloading until you click on 'play'

I'm watching the petition now.... maybe I should send him a marriage proposal too? He's cute.... except he likes cats... hmmm.... but then again, he makes funny clips....

decisions decisions

LOL, yeah thanks bluegirl but dek is right, it doesn't start downloading until i click on it.

cool.

according to the petition video, he's already gotten some marriage proposals.

i considered it myself, i like a man with a sense of humor.

"People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer."" LOL!!!!!!! xD

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do *Anything* you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do *Anything* you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."

HAHAHAHAHAHA

He has a point too....

totally!

That's just like... Totally ... Me.

i'm not surprised.

What!? Gaaah! *throws totally random things at bluegirl*

hahaha

i honestly didn't mean it as a bad thing.

sorry if i offended.

but, just in case, i'm rubber , you're glue, whatever you throw bounces off me and sticks to you!

HAHAHAHA

Never seen that one before!

it's a schoolyard chant, except it's supposed to be "whatever you say" instead of "whatever you throw".

Oh!

it's a way of telling a 'name caller' that you are immune to his meanness.

Yep. Like stick and stones.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me..."   "And then my parents will sue you for slander"(is the modern finish to the playground chant.

hahahah

hee hee.

My mum used to tell me to just agree with whatever people said about you...because they were just looking to get a reaction out of you....So when people call you a "purple-headed-knee-wasp" you just turn around and say "yep, and what's it to you?" and its funny just to see them walk backwards all over themselves....If only it worked like she said it would...

Exactly!!!

What kind of crap advice was that?!

Like the old saying goes:  "it's at times like this when I wished I'd listened to my Mother"

You know.... I rarely get to use that one....

I'm definitely not a goodie of any nature, but I respect my mum and what she says, so I usualyy take her advice, it's just sometimes I get to say, No, mother's aren't always right!!

Mine would probably tell you to counsel me to take hers....

^^confused^^ - mine, you, me, hers, what!?! LOL

ah wait...i geddit.....

never mind   

HAHAHAHAHA

darn it thats the second time tonight! I think my brain definitely shut down for the day...damn!

hehehehe Either that, or I definitely have an effect on you!

bluegirl: Nah, just kidding.

Can't we geeks have fun too while pretending that we are offended?

The bit about "I wish I'd listened to my Mother" when in situations...  Well someone said "What did she say?" The answer is , of course, "I don't know I wasn't listening"

*scratching head*

Eh? Who wasn't listening?

yeah, i listened carefully and then completely ignored any advice she gave me.

Ohhhh..... yeah.... I listened... it's hard not to when the volume is really loud....

I mostly had wind-tunnel syndrome - in one ear, out the other

I learnt the art of selective hearing early. And who woulda thunk it.... comes in handy everywhere now

A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were driving down a mountain when the brakes failed. They screamed down the mountain, gaining speed, and finally managed to grind to a halt, more by luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged rocks. They all got out of the car.

The computer engineer said, "I think I can fix it."

The systems analyst said, "No, I think we should take it into town and have a specialist look at it."

The programmer said, "Okay, but first I think we should get back in and see if it does it again."

ROFL!!!

That is soooo funny!!

I can soooo relate to that!

HAHAHAHA

We is psychic, you and I

LOL! What'r you doin up at this awful hour anyway??

I'll give you one guess...

And right back at ya!

hmm...methinks you are watching the cricket? either that or deks been drinking again....

LOL!!

*thinks*

Hey!!!

Yeah, watching the cricket

I'm not v happy at the moment....I tell ya, they'd better pull some spectacular fielding outta their arses....

hahahahah

I'm loving it!

you would be....grrrr

since when did they become this good anyway?!?!

or should I say, when did punjab become so crap?

oh bugger...there goes another ...I hope they at least get 100

Yeah, punjab are basically just choking.

Though Chennai aren't all that crap either

hmm...they ended it nicely. Too bad they didn't do it EARLIER!!!   A case of too little, too late....*sigh*

yeah....

I wasn't expecting them to survive all 20 overs

Sit. Down.

hahahahahhaha

You crack me up woman

We decided to stop hijacking this topic!

(for anyone who wants to see the second half of this thread, you can find it here)

...OK, Carry on...

By the way, good one Bluegirl

I loved that one!

i got a million of 'em!..........................o.k., not really.

I can *find* a million of them!

This is where the mathemetician jokes go too, right?

Two men walk into a bar. One sits at one end of the bar and
the other at the opposite end. The bartender asks the first
man what he wants.

I'll have a Frizzle...that's a beer with a splash of tonic,
a splash of orange juice, a squeeze of lemon, no lime."

Then the man at the other end of the bar orders. "Make mine
a Frizzle.It's a beer with just a bit of tonic, a bit of
orange juice, a squeeze of lemon, but no lime."

The astonished bartender makes the drinks. Then he asks the
first man what he does for a living.

"I am a theoretical mathematician at the university."

Then he asks the other man what he does.

"Theoretical mathematician at the college."

"This is remarkable," says the bartender. "You both order
a drink that I've never heard of. You have the identical
profession and you both walk into my bar on the same day
at the same time. What are the odds on something like that
happening?"

Both men look up and answer in unison, "Twelve trillion,
nine hunderd, and eighty-seven billion to one."

omg...saaadddd

omg wow

hee  hee

Lets see how this joke goes down. It does involve an Accountant and Mathematician.

PERCEPTION

A mathematician, an accountant and a public relations officer all applied for the same job with a large company.

The interviewer called in the mathematician first and asked, "What does two plus two equal?"

The mathematician replied, "Four."

The interviewer asked, "Four, exactly?"

The mathematician looked at the interviewer incredulously and said, "Yes, of course: four, exactly."

Then the interviewer called in the accountant and asked the same question, "What does two plus two equal?"

The accountant said, "On average, four - give or take 10 per cent; but on average, four."

Then the interviewer called in the public relations officer and again posed the same question, "What does two plus two equal?"

The public relations officer got up, locked the door, closed the shade, sat down next to the interviewer and whispered, "Well, what do you want it to equal?"

Extract from Public Relations-A Matter of Spin by N E Renton

lol!

good one, rob.

hehehehehe

Exactly why I'm so crap at PR

Picture above by GeekArmy.com