... for obscurring the rear plates with bikes yesterday.

Constable: "Any reason for obscurring your number plates and failure to display a Queensland Transport issued auxialliary plate on the bike rack Sir? Sir do you realise it is an offence to render your vehicle undetectable to devices such as speed and red light cameras?"

Me: (I didn't say much but was thinking many things ...)

1) Queensland Transport is NOT OPEN ON A SATURDAY OR SUNDAY!
2) The only time I could possible trigger a speed camera is in a school zone and as above IT'S FRIGGIN SUNDAY!
3) The only time I could possibly trigger a red light camera is when I'm third in the queue, the light turns green, amber then red by the time I get to the line. PRETTY DANGEROUS STUFF!

Then the filthy arsehole trys to get all chummy like he's doing me a lemon flavour and lets me off with just an $80 fine as the driver of the car. Told me as the owner I was liable for a $320 fine but today was my lucky day. Awesome. Maybe the clemency kicked in when he could taste the food he was taking from the mouths of two children visible in the back seats. He looked like he ate all the pies too.

The heat was on from the outset and I haven't been targeted like that for decades. I knew I was going to get done for something because he passed by the front on his motorbike while I waited on a T intersection then stopped and waited till I passed him.

Worst part was I was doing the back streets just to avoid the very thing. Was near Keperra Station which is generally a hub of delightful people. I bet there would have been three or four young hoods spray painting their insipid pretend street names on the Station House as the transaction took place. What happens to them? Nothing. I'm the stupid bar steward less likely to tell him to fuck off more likely to have something to lose ... ie. the $80 in my pocket. In summary you could say I got fined for willingly impairing the ability to be fined for offences that I'm not exactly capable of committing in the first place. Say what you like about cameras but this is undisputable revenue raising.

Truth is I was shitting broken glass. I had my feet  tactically positioned over the huge crack at the bottom of the footwell. I reckon he could have emptied the ink from two pens writing defective vehicle tickets. Suppose I was lucky he was a bit of a Constable Johnny No Stars.

As you can imagine by this blurt I'm pretty pissed off.

It's exactly like one of my mates just said ... (verbatim) ...

I bet he had his chest puffed out like he’d just foiled a major drug ring. Can’t seem to do anything about the rising incidence of violence in the community, don’t want to know you or even try to find the culprits of home robberies unless someone gets killed. You were obviously a major threat to society with your partially obscured number plate. How dare you endanger so many people’s lives with it. What were you thinking?! Oh, that’s right, you made the mistake of trying to be a good father to your boys and take them out for some exercise.

Fucking bunch of Constables.

Last time I got a ticket for doing 80 in a 70 it was a newly laid straight-ish stretch of dual carriageway, no other traffic in sight and 03:20 in the morning.  The tit-head pulled me over and never said anything that wasn't necessary.  Other than telling me I was a speeding criminal and that he had a choice to issue me the ticket or report me for dangerous driving to which I'd have had to go and see the beak.  After he had given me the ticket he turned away and got straight into his car and quickly drove to take up position again.  He'd obviously got a few more tickets to issue to meet his target for the shift and that stretch of road, at that time of the day was a perfect hunting ground.  I hope the next one he stopped shot the bastard...

However I have to say that our new coalition government has pulled central funding for speed cameras and lots of cash-strapped local councils (who administer them) are taking them down.  All we need now is for the plods to have their traffic police cut to the point where they have to deal with real crime and emergencies instead of the hapless motorists who, like us, are easy-meat for their ticket targets...

Hang on a second..... You were on a pushbike?

No the pushies were on the back of the Landy.

... and if the Landy was bolted to the back of the pushie then I'd be more likely to exceed the speed limit and trigger a camera.

Bugger!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRr

Mr Dent, the situation is reversed in Sydney. Got so mad, I ranted about it here: http://dekrazee1.posterous.com/does-limiting-the-revs-on-a-chainsaw-make-it

Apparently accessory plates cost 50 bucks and have to be ordered for a 4 week turn around. Technically you're supposed to have a light board too if your tail lights get obscured which they're not but Constable would say they are.

Talk about being Governed to blazes. All I want to do is be able to take the kids the 3 kilometres from home to the start of the bike path because riding a five year old on trainer wheels and a tear away eight year old on the connecting roads and footpaths is only going to turn out badly. We'd have probably got picked up by the filth for crossing a road with the cock hanging in the wrong direction anyway. I reckon it will turn out cheaper and less hassle if I just go hire a cement mixer and extend the bike path from Mitchelton to my front door only to be told I'll need to engage a boat load of consultants to complete an EIS first.

For the record I wouldn't have done any more than 50km/h for the journey because the bike rack I have is a bit antiquated and must have been designed back in the day when bike tubing was a little thinner. I could only get two turns on the retaining nuts that hold the top bracket so for starters I was worried the bikes might come loose or worse fall off on one of the many pot holes on our tax payer funded shitty roads. I really want a new bike carrier but am now $80 behind where I want to be which given the way things are now is usually a few dollars behind in the first place. We even went quietly through the back streets so I could go a bit slower. When I say quietly I mean exactly that. It's not like I'm a Johnny Dickhead with a lowered to the ground turbo charged piece of shit packed with sub woofers and one of those ridiculously stupid blow off valve things that does nothing but say "Yes I have a really small dick" on every gear change. I've had speed camera fines in the past and all have been shot from the front but whatever the case this time I'm wasn't going to shake a speed camera and even with the drum brakes in their worst condition which they're currently not I could stop safely at any red light which for the purpose of this journey there were two and neither have cameras installed.

.

Yep. Ridiculous ticket.

Any chance you can contest it?

I suppose you could get some sort of satisfaction by paying the fine in 5c pieces.  Although I think it might take a bit longer than 28 days to get hold of the 1600 coins.  I remember getting some cash over the counter in a Sydney bank and I asked for $5 in assorted coins.  They refused on the grounds that they don't issue coins.  I wonder if that was just the miserable twatt in the bank or is it some sort of national policy not to issue coins unless you are a trader.

The accessory plate is $80. That's a total outstanding of $160. Up to 3,200 coins. I love the idea. I might even do them a lemon and rationalise the number of coins by mixing it up into an assortment of 5's 10's and 20's.

Arthur, I've never had a problem getting change in coins from a bank here, but I haven't had to do it for about 10 years, so there may be some rule about it now.. I would say that it's more likely the idea of a lazy/overworked bank teller, as the greedy bastards of banks have cut staff (and as a concequence service) to the bare minimum..

Ruski, there's some law about the highest value of various denominations of coinage that can be concidered legal tender...Don't ask me what the law says, but I recall that some years ago, some guy attempted to pay a fine in low denomination coinage and it was refused, and when he kicked up a fuss he was arrested...(it happened here in Brissie)

No worries Andro. Electricity, Rego and water rates this month. So it's going to have to go on VISA anyway.

I have a boat load of one cent coins if ya want em

Ekka starts tomorrow, as well. (better get the piggy bank out)

Arthur, further to what I mentioned previously (re banks issuing change) I do recall that one day when I found it easier sometimes to (occasionally) use the local branch of the bank that my employer was using, I was asked one day whether I had an account with that bank. When I explained that we did indeed have an account with that bank (albeit at another branch) he fiddled around with his computer for a few minutes, (obviously checking my story) then said "That'll be fine sir".

Going to the Ekka this year. Been about three or four years since.

5 I'm told.

What in the world is ekka??

The Royal National Agricultural and Industrial Association of Queensland Annual Exhibition.

Easier to say the Ekka.

That's not even a correct acronymn!!

We just had our "show" - pretty pitiful effort, but enjoyable nonetheless. Spent a truckload of money and came home with lots of useless crap. Went on the rides to enliven the child inside of me. Coinciding with this topic, one of my favourites has always been the dodgem cars. You get to drive like an idiot for about five minutes, without getting in trouble for it. Best road rage cure ever.

ummm.... so it has nothing to do with agriculture?

Well I would imagine there are cows and plants and all that sort of stuff there too.

ah

Just saying that "Ekka" doesn't even come close to what any of that says. The acronym should be "RNAIAQAE"

Short for Exhibition.

Otherwise it is known in acronym form as the RNA Show coincidently held at the RNA Showgrounds, Bowen Hills, Brisbane.

Still... How can it be short for exhibition? What, just because it starts with an E?

Yep the 'E' has to be preserved so we start with that. Moving on, exhibition has a dominant 'k' sound early on in the piece, all be it with an 'x'. Removal of this upsets the whole phonetic balance so it has to stay. As is the case with all shortenings you need to put a vowel on the end; 'a' being the perfect choice. Ekko or Ekki just doesn't work. Possibly the only undoing is the somewhat upmarket addition of the 'double k'. A bit unnecessary in my opinion, but effective nonetheless..

Me not going this year, as a matter of fact I haven't been since the kids asked "Do you mind if we go to the Ekka by ourselves this year, Dad"?...that was about 1986..   I used to have to go every night (for work reasons) and then on 'Peoples Day' with the kids, so I've had my fill of Ekka's..

I agree with Ruskie.  Keep it simple...

Dudes.

Rode the pushie in this morning. About 19 km. Did it in just over an hour. The GPS will reveal all when I get home tonight. Oh shit thats right. Have to ride home too. Had a few piss weak moments in the granny gears and nearly died ascending Victoria Park. Not the steepest climb but long and towards the end of the trip when I was pretty much fucked. There's a few seasoned guns out there whom I couldn't keep up with but most of them looked like inner city spivs who hadn't already come from the sticks. That's my story anyway.

Dude...

Well done

We had a few days in the Netherlands some years ago.  Mooched around the Eindhoven area.  It's dead flat, so flat that the horizon seems to be a thousand miles away.  You realise where the Flat Earth Society got their inspiration from.  Until you get on a bike and all of a sudden you are beamed (Scottie style) to the Bavarian Alps.

Figured out how to get around the Vic Park fiasco on the way home. Of course it would have been down hill but would have to climb the curly access road in Roma St Parklands up to Gregory Terrace which for the record was a major hoot coming down this morning. Didn't observe the 20 speed limit and overtook a few cars. Anyway accidently found a dedicated bike path alongside the Exhibition Rail loop which is a bit longer but flatter. Miss out on the descent though so it's a tough choice. There's a few short steep leg killers in Alderley to deal with either way. Also learnt that my friend the Magpie just out of Brookside doesn't swoop at 5:30pm. Fucker had a go at me this morning and the other day as well. I'm intentionally going that way now just for the sport. Sun disappears fairly quick after 5:30. Must get a set of flickers or I'll cop another fine from the filth.