Recent Activity

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  USA President

  How many Obamas does it take to change a light??

  Not sure as there has not been a change yet

  Posted 30 Nov 09

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  racy jokes

  Ha ha .......Did the mother keep wishing

  Posted 14 Aug 08

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  Oneliners cont'd

  What is most frightened animal by MAN today?

  New Zealand SHEEP…bahhhhhhh

  Posted 11 Dec 07

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  Old Man Jokes

  Wise Old Man
  
  A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

  The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

  The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

  After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

  The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

  "Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

  "A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

  Posted 07 Feb 08

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  General Jokes

  Stick of Dynamite
  
  A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

  Posted 01 May 08

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  Animal Jokes

  Penguins Go to the Zoo
  
  A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

  He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

  The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."

  The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

  "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

  The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

  "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

  "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

  Posted 16 Jun 08

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  Wife Jokes

  The Devoted Wife
  
  A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him.

  As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

  "What, my dear?" she asked gently.

  "You're a goddamn jinx!"

  Posted 27 Feb 08

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  men

  @Ruski73....that is funny

  Posted 09 Jun 08

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  Lawyers

  Third Opinion
  
  Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.''
  
  Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''
  
  Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.''

  Posted 11 May 08

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  Office jokes

  Did you get told off in the interview..........

  Posted 05 Jun 08