Recent Activity

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  Kids

  The other day my little one asked if I could squash the cockatoo in the bathroom.

  Posted 16 Oct 08

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  Bushisms

  i'm no political expert.....by any means....but i try to listen to all sides and make a reasonably informed decision..

  Me neither. And similarly I try to listen to the other point of view but it is like having the ears removed with a potato peeler.

  Posted 16 Sep 08

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  General Jokes

  Mole Family
  
  A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole all live together In a little mole hole.
  
  One day, papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and said, 'Yum! I smell maple syrup!'
  
  The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and said, 'Oh, Yum! I smell honey!'
  
  Now baby mole is trying to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way.
  
  This makes him whine, 'Geez, all I can smell is....
  
  MOLEASSES!

  Posted 12 Jul 08

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  Oneliners cont'd

  My dads advice on cars when I was 16 was rather different. Not sure I should repeat it here though.

  Posted 21 Feb 07

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  racy jokes

  One day during religious education at St Finnbars Primary School, Father O'Leary was asking the year three class ...

  "What part of your body do you think gets to heaven first?"

  Littly Mary in the third back row immediately raised her hand and said " Father O'Leary I think your eyes get there first."

  "Oh and why is that young Mary?" asked Father O.

  "Because when you get to heaven you need to see all the wonderful things first ... like Angels and Harps and flowers", was Mary's theory.

  Young Billy up the front raised his hand next ... "Father I think it is your arms that get to heaven first ... and I think that is so you can give people a hug when you arrive because everyone is happy in heaven and so you have to do lots of hugs."

  "Fabulous Billy", replied Father O'Leary.

  The next idea came from little Johnny. "Father O'Leary I know for a fact that it is your legs that go to heaven first."

  "Is that so little Johnny" said Father O'Leary. "And what is it that makes you so sure?"

  "Well the other night I went into Mum and Dads room and Mum was on the bed with her legs straight up in the air and she was yelling "Oh God take me now ... ".

  If Dad didn't have her pinned down I reckon she'd have got away from us for sure.

  Posted 15 Aug 08

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  Old Man Jokes

  I think I will avoid jokes involving Old Men and nails for a while.

  Posted 13 Aug 08

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  men

  A man walks into a chemist and says to the Pharmacist behind the counter,
  
  'Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once and I need something to keep me up five and potent all night .'
  
  The Pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with the label Viagra Extra Strength and says, 'If you take this, you'll go mental for 12 hours.'
  
  Very happy and excited, the man says, 'Gimme three boxes.'
  
  The next day the man walks into the same chemist, right up to the same Pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The chemist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is swollen, black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.
  
  The man says, 'Gimme a tube of Deep Heat.'
  
  The Pharmacist replies, 'Deep Heat? You're not going to put Deep Heat on that are you?'
  
  The man says, 'No, it's for my arms. The girls didn't show up.'

  Posted 09 Jun 08

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  Wife Jokes

  A test of man's best friend ...

  Put your wife and your dog in the boot of a car.

  After an hour or so, open the boot.

  Guess which one is pleased to see you ... ?

  Posted 02 May 08

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  Geek Jokes

  Brilliant.

  Posted 03 Jun 08

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  Sports quotes of the year

  Terrible.

  Posted 12 May 08