bluegirl
Jokes
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-99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.(uncredited)
Posted 24 Apr 08
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Media Coverage of Zoo Events
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter from the Berkeley Daily Planet newspaper has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
"Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
"Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this on the first page. What motorcycle group are you with and what do you ride?"
"Peace Corps Harley Davidson Riders. "
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:
"BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH."Posted 05 May 08
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lmao at the elephant joke.
the penguin one is a classic and a favorite.
Posted 16 Jun 08
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this is a little risque....
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Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"Posted 13 Aug 08
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Training Courses Now Available for Men
1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Iron
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?: You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. Accepting Loss: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away
7. Accepting Loss II: If the Bacon Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator won't Bring It Back
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
9. Recycling Skills: Cardboard Boxes, Empty Bottles and Things That Rust
10. Recycling Skills II: Beer Cans Are Not Acceptable Shelving Units
11. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Bowling Shirts to Charity
12. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970's Leisure Suits
13. Appliances: Not Just Gifts For Her
14. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut
15. Expand Your Entertainment Options: How To Enjoy An Evening Without ESPN
16. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote
17. Survival Skills: Target Practice in the Lavatory
18. Survival Skills II: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to run Out of Toilet Paper!
19. Directions and How To Ask For Them
20. Listening: It's Not Just A Half-Time Activity
21. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It
Posted 06 Jun 08
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