Bob calls his buddy Sam, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. Sam asks "How will I recognize him?" "That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

"A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
Sam picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"? So he picks the little fella up
again, and shows him the horse's ears.

"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?
The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"? Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit."

filthy. funny though.

That's just plain sad.

we really need a sad button

A rancher asked his veterinarian for some free advice. "I  
have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he  
limps. What should I do?"  

The Vet replied, "The next time he walks normally, sell him." 

All I need to know in life I learned from my horse:

When in doubt, run far, far away.
You can never have too many treats.
Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
Heaven is eating at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
Eat plenty of roughage.
Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
In times of crisis, take a poop.
Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.

LOL!

Good one!

hahahaha Sheesh!

A bloke goes into the doctors.  He has a problem with his ankles and feet.  The doctor has a look and then shakes his head.  The bloke is a bit perturbed by the Hmmm's and Aaaah's, tutting and blowing noises as the doctor is having a think.

Eventually the doctor gets out his pad and starts writing.

The bloke can't contain himself much longer and says "What's up with my ankles and feet?"

The doctor looks up over his glasses and says.  "You haven't got ankles and feet, you have the fetlocks and hoofs of a horse"

The Bloke swallows and says "And will that prescription you are writing help me?"

The Doctor replies "This isn't a prescription, it's permission to shit in the street"