1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

11. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

It's sad how much I like these.

hahahahaha

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA that;s gold. i like 15

HAHA, 14 is great!

1) Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

2) He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

3) To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

4) What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

5) A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

6) A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

7) Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

8) If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

9) She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.

10) The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged.

11) He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.

12) She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

...Ok, ok, no more..............

Mercedes bends!!

ok that was crap. better leave em to dekrazee to work out :)

Huh? what??

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

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