"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.."

Anon 

 Hmmm

Ouch!

No no no NOT THE BALLS !! OUCH !!

hahahaha...we'll get you a crotch guard or sthing...:P

A woman's guide to understanding men...   

1. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These   
men usually have jobs and bathe.   

2. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relation-   
ship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even   
retired General Schwartzkopf.   

3. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel   
important.   

4. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.   

5. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is   
usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches   
from the door.   

6. Men forget everything; women remember everything. Think   
about it! How many women's sports use something called an   
"instant replay?"   

7. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying   
with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they   
grow up identifying with Barbie.   

8. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on   
record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.   

9. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've   
never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh no, I'm so   
embarrassed; I've got to get out of here. There's another   
man wearing a black tuxedo."   

10. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your   
heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a   
man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

 Actually most of that is true.

heheheh

WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything) is proud to announce
the opening of its "EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!"

The course covers two days, and topics covered include:

                          DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS. Step by step guide with slide presentation.

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?  Roundtable discussion.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR. Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics).

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR
DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL. Losing the remote control - Help line and
support groups.

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS. Starting with looking in the
right place instead of turning the house upside down while
screaming - Open forum.

                         DAY  TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE
TRASH? Group discussion and role play.

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR
HEALTH. PowerPoint presentation.

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST. Real life testimonial
from the one man who did.

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL
PARKS? Driving  simulation.

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER
AND YOUR  PARTNER. Online class and role playing.

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION. Relaxation exercises,
meditation and breathing techniques.

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO
BE LATE. Bring your calendar or PDA to class.

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL
THE TIME.

 I'm happy to report that I do not require the WICOE classes.

 A period of living alone will address most of the above problems.   B)

Yes, you'd be quite a catch andro

 

Women like cheese... especially with... Whine....

HAHAHAHA

She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving
the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said, "Grow
your own dope."

How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana patient.

Then I noticed the rest of her message ... "Plant a man."

 SHOPPING MATH

 

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

 

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

 

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

 

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

 

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

 

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

 

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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