I thought it might be interesting to have a place to write post-Phase Two application scenes for waitlisted characters.  I know how much I enjoyed getting to read everyone's short stories, and I'm sure that you all have many more awesome ideas just waiting to be shared.  I know many people were hoping to use Phase Two as a writing exercise, and having a place to record ideas and potentially receive constructive criticism or praise can only hope to further that goal.  I know that I received many helpful comments just from the earlier Short Story thread, and thought this might be interesting to continue.  KL or JLY, if this interferes with Phase Two in some way or you would prefer that we waited until we were accepted to share our storylines, definitely let me know.  Thanks!

Also anyone who missed the Phase Two deadline is of course welcome to start developing scenes for a character here.

I would be up for it. I'm already planning to write about my character (Stephon) up until he gets to the gates of Eastridge.

Sent an email to KL and JLY to see if we might get to have room and board covered and a job in eastridge town proper due to an error in space avaible in the class....that way we can write our trips, and our perspective from outside the walls of the school...if they say yes. Also allows our characters to get to know each other if we want. I know that the only way for me to improve my tech style is to simple write and write alot...with critique...which I hope will be provided?

Well Kiara already ditched home at the end of her application scene and is currently in Eastridge town, so I'm sure she'd love for some other characters to come and keep her company.  And I agree with you about continuing to write scenes being the best way to improve our writing, and would be happy to offer critiques; hopefully some others will write scenes also and this can become a sort of continuation of what we were doing on the short story thread, but with interaction between the characters once they all get to the same place

Eastridge Town= Etown for the rest of my postings.

So how detailed do we want to get on building this town if we are allowed to do this, I mean there has got to be a good sized town around the school. We are looking at several hundered students each requiring about 3 to 4 lbs food each day(farmers, ranchers,hunters), books (printing press, ink makers/sellers, parchment makers, binders), clothing or at least clothing repair. Then you get into the teachers who need about the same save books printed...though they would need maps, information (via trading, giving, bragging,stealing), and any tools needed for research. Then we can get into those who serve meals, cook meals, who repair items beyond the skills of the students....We are looking at a very substancal town for the tech....I would imagine that it has its own trading route dedicated to it. Esp when the Balls happen.

I am thinking that my char might arrive anywhere between half a month or a full month after the start of the school year, depending on if the school arranged room and board or if Braken's patron has too.

i think the town should have a population at least three times that of the school, just my opinion..

I think the town is probably extremely established and we should wait for the response to SMS's email which will probably come with a new FAQ to help with just this issue.  The city is just way to close to the Academy to think it isn't already heavily woven.

yup

This is sounding cooler and cooler.  Can Beta peoplez sign up?

I was thinking about writing a scene showing Kiara's response to her letter; while we are waiting for a response, people could write scenes about their characters hearing the news or traveling to the town; that way we would get an update on older characters and get to meet new characters for people who missed beta apps

I was thinking of this as a place where any character-related writing could be viewed and critiqued, so of course beta people are welcome

Plus we wouldn't really have to deal with town questions yet, as everyone would be just arriving and we could keep it pretty vague.  Getting everyone to the same place would allow for some cool interactions between characters once more questions are answered and we get the ok for this

i have a question. i never got to get a application. could i throw a character by you guys?

Go for it, I'd love to see what you come up with.

though it occurs to me as awesome as this would be it is probably in our best interest to have patience and self sacrifice in this matter.

*rolls up sleeves*  not sure what to do...

Well it's important to work on your writing anyways and I can't think of a better place (at least one that's free) to do so than here.  Why not create a new character for the purposes of this little pet project and unveil your main character for phase two?

I'm not sure about you guys, but I have never really done any creative writing before and was hoping to use this as an opportunity to improve my writing and learn the basics, so personally I think that the more I write and the more feedback I get, the more helpful this will be; you guys have been great at offering suggestions so far and if people are willing to continue critiquing, I would think that this could be quite helpful.  I could create a different character, but I think that I can write about Kiara's time in the town without interfering with possible future stories at the school, but then again my character doesn't really have much of the secret background that seems to be part of some people's storylines

again, this really doesn't have to be formal, more of an if anyone wants to write something, go for it, and hopefully we can get enough people interested to gather some helpful responses, or if you haven't created a character this might be a good place to start to get feedback like we were able to give one another for our short stories

well the email has already been sent, so one we wait for that.  two, we should consider methods of practice and excitement releif that minimize the number of mental cycles that the Sensei's would spend answering our questions ( and hence not on the Success of the Beta moving it to open status, I don't think it would be argued against that the Sensei's are very nice people, possibly to the extent of detrimental effects elsewhere) along these lines I suggest avoiding physical proximity to the Academy as much as possible... perhaps life before the application?

maybe I'll write a scene and post it, and see what the opinions are on if it is too close to the Academy and might interfere with the beta test/existing ideas about the town that we are not yet aware of

That would belovely, I think I recall reading that you were previously Ginger?

Personally, I am going to wait on the response to the email,  even if permission is granted I think I will hold back if there are too many reservations or caveats.

well I wrote another scene, but I probably will wait for the email response before posting

Aw. I got wait listed But, apparently I'm still awesome. I'm actually a little glad. I got time to work on my story plans. Still....I'm awesome.

Not enough room left in the website for awesome, i'm afraid.  Will you settle for flawlessness?

Hi all. Now correct me if I am wrong, but if you have been waitlisted, then you have been accepted by Eastridge. So your stories will start at the being of the school year just like the betas, only we have to wait until the beta is over before we can start writing. So I would think we could write our stories up until they actually get to Eastridge.

I plan to have Stephon showing up a few days before the first day of class so there are some possibilities there.

Just my 2 bits...

That is my understanding yes. It is also my understanding that they are working furiously to figure out how to get such a large scale cooperative effort working with minimal issues. and also on the main story as well. and also upon maintaining continuity.  I don't think they particularly mind the creation of further stories.  But it bears remembering that it took 2 FAQs and several discussions just to get through the applications process.  I am sure the Betas being acually AT Eastridge will be requiring even MORE FAQs and discussions.  and the Senseis, while wonderul, still number only two and must also consider silly things like Food, Housing, and Internet connection or rather how to keep these things.  quite a load for one camel.

So say we all...

*Sobs* WHY ADAMA WHY!

I havent gotten a return email yet on the questions I sent them, which is to be expected due to Beta starts and the amount of information that they required of the writers. It is my understanding that we should feel free to write up until the gates of eastridge, the only question I have is timing. Does the Beta carry over (which means they will be second years) or does the Beta not count?

I think we can be safe to write our journeys up to Etown, after that I would hesitate to write anything with out the authors go ahead.

Ok then well here is my scene, I tried to limit it primarily to internal dialogue and those elements of town general enough to be assumed (like the presence of an inn of some sort) so as not to contradict any preconceived ideas or information that will be revealed in the future.

From the earlier scene (short story section):

As hard as it would be to leave her home and await her fate in Eastridge, it was the safer route to take, and Kiara wasn’t about to let anything stand in her way now that she had finally made up her mind to act…Kiara kicked her pony into a gallop, flying silently northward towards adventure, towards her destiny, in the dim light of the crescent moon. 

And now for the new scene (sorry it’s so long and rough, I wanted to write an example scene for the type of thing that we could share without requiring too much outside information on the world):

     A piece of heavy parchment fell from numb fingers, buffeted lightly by the soft wind as it settled to rest in the shadow of the young servant girl.  To an onlooker she could very well have been a statue, silent and still in the gathering dusk, seemingly oblivious to the chill in the air and the paper at her feet.  Only the most observant might pick out the faint glint of the single tear which traced a path from the corner of her eye along the line of her jaw, quivering delicately for a second before falling like a glittering star from the heavens to stain the earth below. 

     Then the spell was broken, and the young girl knelt slowly to the ground, drawing up her knees and hunching against the descending darkness.  Unconsciously she reached up to brush the tears from her eyes, refusing to wince as the salt wound its way into the many blisters decorating her palm.  She relished the pain; it kept her focused, cleared her head.  It reminded her that she was still alive. 

     Kiara could feel her hand tremble as she made a feeble attempt to brush the letter aside, out of the path of her renegade tears, but it was already too late- the bold, clear ink strokes that had delivered her destiny in an uncompromising hand now ran like rivulets of blood towards the center of the page.  Was it even worth salvaging?  Would she be able to continue to live like this in the days, the weeks, the months ahead until a place became available at the school?  In this moment, with the prospect of another shelterless night before her, she couldn’t be sure.

     Leaving home had seemed like such a good idea at the time.  She had gambled everything, setting out alone with a heart full of dreams and visions of fame clouding her eyes, blissfully unaware of the gathering clouds.  Eastridge was freedom, independence, the chance to make her own chances and live by her own rules.  Even that first night, the hours spent shivering in the scant refuge of a half-rotted storage shed, the sting of the pitchfork as it sliced cleanly through her travel-stained clothes, the rain like a thousand needles ravaging her exposed skin during the blind run through the streets, the moment when her legs finally gave out and she sank to the ground unable to take another step, had not been enough to break her spirit.  Nor the second night, nor the third.  It was only now, after more than a month of scrambling every night for a warm place to sleep and every morning for a bite of food that her decision seemed rash in the extreme.

     Broken footsteps snapped her out of her reverie not a moment too soon; it wouldn’t do to begin feeling bad for herself.  Kiara heaved herself to her feet and managed to snatch up her letter and a pitchfork just as the proprietor of the inn at which she had been given temporary employment stuck his head around the corner of the barn.  She had finished tending to the horses, but now he would be looking for her to tend to the men, helping those too drunk to help themselves.  She hated the stale smell of beer and the rough men with their wandering eyes and lingering glances that it accompanied.  She had been lucky once, but without formal defense training, she knew it was unlikely she would be so lucky again, and it was that knowledge that kept her constantly alert for a possible attack. 

     She longed more than anything to ride away again, far away from this situation that every good instinct and every attuned sense she possessed was instantly able to classify as dangerous.  But she could not lose this job- it was an opportunity that might not present itself again, that much more money in her pocket in a world where chances seemed rare commodities.  So she took what she could get without complaint, bearing the comments of the men in silence, imagining to herself a future time in which she was an accomplished warrior and no one dared treat her with disrespect.  In this way she was able to make it through the long night before collapsing on a patch of grass above which the corner of the stable offered some scant protection from the elements.  Drifting off to sleep, Kiara wondered if she might soon earn the right to make a more comfortable bed in the hayloft, which looked so warm and inviting high above her…

     The harsh glare of the morning sun through the rough-hewn overhanging rafters stung her eyes, forcing her abruptly awake after what seemed like only moments.  She didn’t know what this dawn might bring, but she could only hope that it came a new perspective, a new resolve.  She would need that and more to survive in this town.  But she had always been a fighter; that was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place.  Her father, her teacher, the young nobleman- she had fought back, and she had kept her freedom.  Considering her options in a fresh light, she knew that she couldn’t go back home.  Not now, broken and defeated, so close to achieving her goals but unable to make it through the final trial.  It would only confirm what the rest of the family had believed for so long- that she was a failure, a hopeless, lazy, good-for-nothing drain on their resources suitable only for the most menial of tasks in the smallest, most overlooked corner of the country.  No, she had her pride, her determination, some unquenchable spark of her old ambition that sputtered and smoked and seemed likely to extinguish at any moment but which with the proper coaxing might be returned to a healthy blaze.  She would return, some day, but it would not be in shame.  The one dream which had played over and over in her head since before she could even remember, so long that it seemed etched in the contours of her mind, of standing before her family an adventurer, a hero, a success against all odds- she could not give that up, not while she had the faintest stirring of breath left in her body.

     The road ahead would not be easy, she was sure; hell, she would be lucky if she made it to the end of the day.  Despite that, she was determined to run and skip, trudge and crawl along the path of her life and to beat her dreams into submission along the way.  But for now, it was time to water the horses, sweep the hearths, light the fires- to go on, in short, with life, knowing that each day which past brought her closer and closer to Eastridge Academy.

Aurora- What did the Innkeeper want with Kiara, how long did it take...you kinda skittered about on that. This post had a much different voice then the original one ( Im not sure which one I like more, but I like how you did it...it makes sense that a month in those circumstances would change the character. The wording is different as well, its almost as if she is not noticing as much...or probably better put, the writer isnt focusing on the outside as much ( that might be intended, its just a bit jarring esp if some one <like I> went from your short story to your current post). Overall, I like the short story better...but with the aformentioned apologies you put in the above post I give your current post a A-...

@Aurora - I didn't critique any of the other short story sections and I'm not quite sure what you're hoping for, but I'll do my best.

I really like your descriptions!  You have a great way with language.  You make long, flowing sentences without getting the reader lost, which many people can't do.  You also do a good job of showing the inner struggle Kiara is going through.

I suppose my main criticism is that you rely a lot of telling rather than showing.  Obviously there isn't much action going on now, but perhaps you could describe a specific scene of her during her work.  After reading so much of your character's inner life, I really want to know how she behaves among other people.

I disagree with Bookzap's ciriticism (no offense!).  I thought your descriptions of the letter were absolutely beautiful, and powerful.  The way you described the ink on the parchment being akin to blood really shows how torn up she was about this.  The tears in her eyes drew attention to how much hope she had placed on this.  Honestly, Aurora, I don't know how you didn't get into Beta.  Your work is amazing - and I would strongly urge you (if you haven't already) to try writing your own novel.  Try http://www.fanstory.com - it's a well reputed site for upcoming authors with your talent.  They may be able to provide more insight to improve your work than any of us here.

That being said, DON'T STOP WRITING.  I really enjoy reading about Kiara's adventures, and will continue to do so until you get into beta.  Ironically, I thought the only thing you need to improve on is NOT improving.  Your descriptions and writing style is so powerful, and so deep that it almost doesn't fit with the Canon which is light and whimsical.  You write Kiara as though she were the protagonist of a grand, epic novel which doesn't quite fit with the style of the other writers in beta (at least in my opinion).  That's the only reason I can think of as to why you didn't make in (unless you were too late submitting, in which case "Booo")

Thanks for sharing!  Keep writing!

Hey everyone- thanks so much for the comments.  I know a lot has changed since the short story- I was trying to think of how a girl who had ditched a good home and was now living on the streets at just 15 might feel, but I know it got a little dark and twisty.  I'd love to write more about how she behaves among other people, which is why I thought it might be cool if some of you brought your characters to the town as well- that way they could interact with one another, Kiara is kinda a loner right now but she would love to meet some new people.  And I'm still hoping to get an answer to SMS's email, which is why I tried to refrain from showing much of a scene that might contradict something in canon and instead tried to have more of an internal dialogue, though I'm not sure how well it worked.

@ Maxwell, I'm sure you guys are coming up with some awesome stuff for the beta, can't wait to see it!  And thanks for the link, I'll definitely check it out.  This is actually my first experience writing my own stuff, and with everyone being so encouraging I am totally hooked, and have already started making a new scene.  Again, I would love to try collaboration with someone and especially would like to work on my dialogue, as it is pretty much nonexistent so far, so if anyone would like to add their own writing go for it.

The creaking of well oiled leather, the soft wicker of a horse whose rider drew rein, and his own breathing were the sounds that Braken's ear picked up. Not the noises of the near by village, nor even the sounds of the caravan driver's attempts to halt their charges drew up the brown eyes of the young man sitting stiffly upon the back of his placid gray mare. In fact, the only reason that Braken knew that Storem had stopped was that the heavy amber hitching ball at the end of his braid altered its swinging from side to side in his hands and came forwand and then back nearly cracked him in the chin.

Shaking his head at nearly getting knocked out due to inattention to the object of his meditation and chuckling kinda ruefully, he turns to the wagon driver closest to him " Eastridge Inn, I take it?" his lightly scarred right hand sliding down his long brown braid to indicate the building that was where the caravan leader was just entering into. " Father favored us with good time.." blinks as the wagon driver rolled his eyes and spat " Has nothing ta do with yer father, has everything ta do with the fine horse flesh pulling for us...if we can be countin on our luck ta night we be stopping here for some wenching and rest unda its roof." And with that long sentence the wagon driver pulled his team into the proper place and started to attend to his two horse team.

Almond shaped eyes following the activity amongst the wagon drivers and their teams for a few moments and mutters under his breath "Fresh water and good fishing, it will be nice not to see this four footed torture tommorrow." nods to himself as his small and nimble hands make quick work of the small knot that held the rope ladder closed before swinging onto it...careful to keep as little bend in his waist as possible. Not that that had ever really did anything for the sickness that had him dry heaving as soon as foot found hard packed dirt.

"At least, I dont have to put up with the drivers fun making anymore...perhaps others will be kinder to me then a blackie is to a fish" he thought as he stood up and started to pull the mild tempered Storem with him towards the building that looked like it might be a stable.

Had just took a deep breath about to go call out for the stable hand when the square faced leader of the caravan found him and patted him on the back. " Well, Braken this be where we part ways. Your room and board are payed for up til next year if needed, just as your patron paid me to do for ya...I know that the driver's had their fun at your expense but they welcomed your tin flute and juggling at night enough to make a gift to you. Its on the bed in your room." chuckles and shakes his head going to the head of the line and starts to make a grand display of an explaination. Which left Braken blinking in confusion lips half parted, and jaw half tempted to fall to the ground in astonishment. " Maybe, the drivers are something more then just beasts with human skin over their fur" he thought to himself. Turns around looking to see if any stable hand might have came out yet.

((I know that there is a lot of flavor in the spelling in the dialogues...thats intended, a person from the north doesnt speak like a southerner in the real world. Aurora, consider this your written invitation to post a response and to critique in which ever order you wish. My character is only 5' and thin.))

I'm writing the response first with a critique to follow, should be ready in a few minutes.  Great post, can't wait for Kiara to meet Braken.

Perhaps we should make a different thread for critique or will this work? Thinking flow of story for readers? And thanks for the compliment

Ok, I'm ready to post so if you think it would be easier, we could make a different thread, copying over the last two scenes.  And then maybe critique here?

I really think that would work...since you got the crit ready I will copy and paste.

Posted and we can do questions here....thread called IC: Post Phase Two

So I continued the scene up until where they meet, but haven't really started a dialogue.  I've never done anything collaborative before, even like a roleplay or something, so I'm not exactly sure how it's supposed to work.  Definitely seems off to an interesting start though

Very definately....You set it up very well....I shall post here before I leave church, but gonna watch transformers as I work though a task...after task is done shall I post. My suggestion is not to have the characters not of your making do anything....I will have my character smile in startlement, but its not normal for my character to smile when he is uncomfortable...which is anytime he is on land....I will describe his wear with my next post. besides we should probably limit our posts to two a day til others catch up, or do you think a bigger number of posts would be better?

ok ya sorry about that, I'll make sure just to write for Kiara.  And it would be great to get more people, so I think a smaller number of posts would work best especially at the start, and would ensure that I am actually getting to my schoolwork, which is always important.  It probably took me a little less than an hour to do each of those posts, and an hour would be about the time I would be able to spend each day, so I could do one of about that length or several smaller posts, whatever works best.

I raised this point on the beta forums as well, but it looks like you guys will be pioneering the whole collaboration thing because the beta authors are still writing about their goodbyes to their family.

I'm going to make a post for this specific topic

I would think 1 a 24 hour period should be sufficent...but I will do a reply to your last post and let others have the oppurtunity to post til you throw in on one...and still waiting for the critique, which is highly appricated.

I'm working on the critique now, will post it sometime tonight.  And sorry for the long intro to that last post, Kiara is pretty shy in general and I was trying to think of some reason why she would want to talk to a stranger.

Not a problem, it actually covers alot...and it let you set the scene for the environment which was nice of you. Busy time of day some time around 4pm ish sunset time work?

Ya sounds good, excited to see what you come up with.

I am honored, feel free to give me a crit of 4-5 on the scale. As I noted though, I know that the dialog is full of flavor in its spelling. I think you might have given a full describtion of what your char looked like in reply to my comment on the short stories...is that correct?

I'm not sure what I said earlier, so I'll post my character description from the application:

Kiara has wavy black hair falling just past her shoulders which is usually worn tied back with a thin strip of leather in a messy braid.  She has fair skin which gets just the hint of a tan in the summer, and a dusting of freckles on her face and shoulders.  Her eyes are large and framed by dark, thick lashes in an oval face; she has a strong jaw a pointed chin, and a large mouth which is usually smiling.  Her hands are rough and calloused from years of work in the stables, and her face is weather-beaten from a long summer of afternoons spent outside riding.  Kiara is usually seen wearing a rough, sensible tunic and breeches and comfortable, well-broken-in riding boots.  Her arms and legs are crossed with light scars, the remnants of cuts she acquired from her many falls while learning to ride.

She is between 5'3 and 5'4, with a muscular, athletic build and blue eyes.

Awesome Sauce...went though the scroll and found that for some reason I didnt ask for describtion. Coolies on the describ thanks for having my back.

@ SMS- I love how you kept Braken so true to his nautical roots, even when he is forced to step foot on land.  It’s nice to see the little tie-in details to your short story, like the reference to Braken’s ear singular or the reference to his “father” (both of which details were among my favorites from your earlier scene, and are great at establishing an individual identity for your character.  He is certainly unique and interesting, and that comes across very strongly in your writing).  The scene seems very real- it makes sense that someone growing up at sea would be uncomfortable around horses, and around land, while someone like the wagon driver who has likely spent most of his time on dry land would not have the same trust in the elements as a sailor.  And the colorful dialogue works well here, as you are writing about colorful characters and it would seem odd for them to bust out perfect grammar, as well as being distinctly less engaging to read. 

My major suggestion would be to watch your sentences as you have quite a few fragments.  The beginning is great, but towards the middle you begin to run into trouble.  For example, the paragraph starting “Almond-shaped eyes” starts with  one long sentence, and could probably use some breaking up with additional punctuation. 

For example:

His almond-shaped eyes following the activity amongst the wagon drivers and their teams for a few moments, Braken mutters under his breath "Fresh water and good fishing, it will be nice not to see this four footed torture tomorrow," and nods to himself as his small and nimble hands make quick work of the small knot that held the rope ladder closed. Swinging onto it, he is careful to keep as little bend in his waist as possible, not that that had ever really done anything for the sickness that had him dry heaving as soon as foot found hard packed dirt.

Another place where a few words could be added to make full sentences:

He takes a deep breath and was about to go call out for the stable hand when the square faced leader of the caravan finds him and pats him on the back. With "Quote” as parting words he chuckles and shakes his head, goes to the head of the line and starts to make a grand display of an explanation. All actions which left Braken blinking in confusion, lips half parted, and jaw half tempted to fall to the ground in astonishment. " Maybe, the drivers are something more then just beasts with human skin over their fur" he thought to himself. He turns around, looking to see if any stable hand might have come out yet.

Other areas simply require different punctuation or very minor changes, as in:

" Eastridge Inn, I take it?" his lightly scarred right hand sliding down his long brown braid to indicate the building that was where the caravan leader was just entering into. " Father favored us with good time.." blinks as the wagon driver rolled his eyes and spat “Long quote”.

That might be edited to something like:

" Eastridge Inn, I take it?" he questioned, his lightly scarred right hand sliding down his long brown braid to indicate the building that the caravan leader was just entering into.  " Father favored us with good time.”  He blinks as the wagon driver rolls his eyes and spits “Long quote”.

It also seemed to me that you had a tendency to use present tense verbs when talking about Braken (turns, sliding, blinks, following, mutters, nods, etc.) while early in the story you switched to past tense verbs for the wagon driver (rolled, spat, pulled, found, patted).  Later in the story the wagon driver returns to the present, which I believe makes up the majority of your story and is probably the tense that you would want to write all present actions in (obviously previous actions would still be past tense).  There were a few tense agreement issues, which I tried to correct in my earlier examples.  I tend to have a lot of trouble with switching tenses in my writing, as my English prof so kindly reminds me each paper, so I think I am extra alert to it; I would say that the sentence structure would be your major area to work on, as the tense thing has little effect on the clarity of reading or the amount of enjoyment one gets from the scene and is more of a nitpicky issue.

What is so remarkable about this review is that it is focused on your grammar rather than your content, which is great for you…that scene was written in a very short time and obviously not meant to be as final an edited draft as say our short stories were.  Grammar is easy to fix with practice and time, and having someone else edit your work, as it is so hard to catch your own mistakes.  What is most important to me at least and much harder to learn is how to create a creative and engaging story that is interesting to read, and you are wonderful at that.  I loved the interaction between characters and the realism of your scene, and can’t wait to read the next one.

Sorry about the weird breaks, I don't know why it did that.  Off to read your new post...

And just to clarify, if anyone else wants to add a character, feel free to post a scene on the other thread, we would love more people.

I'm just waiting for the right moment to jump in!

I just read the story.  Thanks for getting this started guys.  I want to throw in a character of my own, if you don't mind.  But I haven't created a character sheet for him yet.  I've been playing with the idea of using him as a NPC character for Quelyk.

But as for your story, I'm enjoying it so far.  I think Aurora mentioned most of the language errors that I noticed, but all writing needs work.  Im looking forward to reading more, as it would seem more is revealed about Braken and Kiara when these dialogues take place.  Keep it up!

Are you attempting one continuous scene or do you think multiple locations could be done without confusion?

I'm not sure how that would work, a continuous scene would probably be less confusing but in the interest of getting more characters I would say however anyone prefers to introduce their character would be fine, and the beginning might be a little broken by separate stories.  I tried to leave an opening for someone new to join if anyone should so desire, whether they arrive at the end of a backstory about the trip to town or appear immediately at the Inn and have a backstory told in flashbacks or something is really the author's call, I'm sure either would be interesting.

ahh..  well I find myself in debate of approach.  the trip from her home to Eastridge City is quite long.  It would be several months before I would have the opportunity for collaboration.  or I could just start from a Midway point in her journey where it would be reasonable to meet fellow travelers(that is those who share her final destination she has had several fellow travellers prior, just none that would accompany her all the way) and back fill the first half of her trip in a secondary medium(I am thinking of taking a page from Fearful's book and blogging it on a 3rd party site). or third Just start from immediately after(or day before) her interview.  I mention this because I am looking for advice.  It all means the same to me but whats better for all of you?

How about this: I (or someone) would put together the stories here from the forums (the apps and the like) and make just a simple web page out of it, the compilation of the stories. Only we which have the stories there would have a link, and the purpose would be to keep the current stories neatly organized. The stories would be those posted here on the forums, and after the critique we get here we'd put there the better, fixed version of the story in question. Its getting hard to find the stories in between the chat, and having the improved version would be neat too.. this would be a kind of solution how to keep stuff tidy. And I love sorting things

Wow, Rizzy.  I think that would be great if you would be willing to take the time to do it.  Maybe if you e-mail the authors, you can get them to have a link to your website (think: fansites)

Ya, I would have absolutely no idea how to do something like that, but if you're up for it it would be totally cool

Yeah I'd like to try that ^.^ anyone who wants to be part of this try, feel free to add me as a friend here so we can communicate through the personal messages. Gonna figure out where would I put the web

*blinks* Holy Crow! I would think tonno that there are several ppl who are gonna have a bit of travel ahead of them, if you could find those who would be willing to throw in with you, midway would work for you. That would be beautiful to see camp set up from each characters eyes. As far as multiple stories go, if the authors simply but in the first part of the post what characters are involved would that not eliminate the confusion issue?

As for the critique, I was reading the edits and they felt slightly jarring to my sensiblities...at a few places. I see what you mean on tense agreement though, nice catch! I am still uncertain of what you mean by most of the language usages though...when I use fragments do I tend towards paticular words or set ups, or am I prone more to it after sentences with quotes in it? The way I am reading it, it makes sense in my mind...but thats also probably because I can see what I didnt write in my head (and that makes all the difference in the world when you see the scenes as pictures in your mind, like I do!)

Uhm does any of you know some decent free web hosting? Without advertisement, just register and upload.. I was trying some but it looks so complicated. Why can't they just let me register and go on uploading stuff? >.<

Very cool Maxwell, Ullr is a great addition

I made a first try on the story web. Please PM me and I'll add your character in and give you a link ^^

free without advertisement, capable of sustaining multiple uploaders and accounts...  I don't think it exists... the world is too capitalist.

I think the closest you could get would be a message board community with advertisement.

well, we dont need multiple uploaders and accounts. Just one which doesnt restrict the use to one person only specifically. And we can then share the login .. thats enough, you dont need multiple accounts, it doesn't take much time to just upload a page, does it? And give me time, Im searching

I will also give permission for people here to add me as a friend.  If you want.

I dont know what yer all talking about, but I am sure you will all inform me when it comes time.

Rizzy set up a website to organize our stories by character...if you add her as a friend she'll set up a link with your character's name that goes to all your stories, it's really cool

This is an excerpt from Kiara's application that I had written previously, not a new scene, which is why I am posting it here; it provides background information that will help explain some of Kiara's reactions in the new scene that I am working on now.

1. Have you ever been in a fight? If so, please explain.

I have been in a few fights, but the one that affected me the most was when I was forced to fight my way out of the grasp of a noble man who was attacking me.  I had seen him watching me while I worked at the stables for a few days, before he finally approached me.  I was caught in the stall of the horse I was grooming, with only one way out that was blocked by his approach.  He backed me into the wall and grabbed my arm, trapping me.  Though I knew that the stable was empty, I still tried to call for help.  The noble’s hand caught my throat, cutting off my air and preventing me from screaming.  I couldn’t move, and I didn’t know what to do, but I was determined to fight my way free, even if my attacker was a noble.  After a few minutes, he began to relieve the pressure on my throat, and began to look me over critically.  He seemed like he was getting ready to address me.  I took advantage of his moment of distraction to sweep his legs out from under him.  He fell heavily to the floor of the stall, and got tangled in the legs of the horse I had been grooming upon trying to roll back on to his feet.  The resulting confusion gave me time to slip out of the stall; I ran as fast as I could for the mess hall, as it was near mealtime and this was likely to be the closest heavily-populated area.  My attacker pursued me for a short distance before we emerged into the crowded open ground in front of the mess and he began to draw stares.  He quietly disappeared back into the crowd, and I was able to make my way home safely.  I didn’t see him again after that incident.

Thanks, Aurora....sorry I was so late in the posting. I got on and found that there were two posts waiting for me and I had to figure out how to weave those two posts and the assumed actions together in a pretty heavy day of activity. Started and killed three different posts, finally got one that I am mostly happy with.

Maxwell: Dude my guy is by no means beefy, nor is he in any way intimidating....though you might notice, as aurora might that on the inside of his coat there are four long knifes sheathed in special pockets. Also, hope you dont mind that I posted that it was my character that stopped yours, I also hope you dont mind how I stopped him..

I was envisioning that your character had stepped on it, and stumbled.

Don't worry about post time, towards the end of the week I am less busy but during the week I'll have the same trouble, and I really like your end result so it was clearly worth the effort...the fighting method you used seems to fit your character and is really cool.  Plus I was waiting for someone else to stop Ullr as Kiara is gonna have to deal with some old memories as seen in the above post and is slightly distracted at the moment

Normally, if given a set of constants and a character I created...it doesnt take me much time to figure out what my char would do. What takes the most time is figuring out how to SAY it in a way that people understand. How was my sentence structure though that post, I made a concious effort to eliminate fragments.....I hate starting and restarting the same scene I keep forgetting to drop or add things. It works so much better for me to read, write, and then go back and edit.

I was thinking the same thing, which is why Rizzy's idea is cool...she is working on getting access for each character's writer, so your scene would be posted after you wrote it but you would also be able to go back and edit your old work when you had the time

Sorry the new post is so long, I got a little carried away and then realized that I had mostly just repeated the earlier scene and still had to add something new; I figured a new location might be interesting, I hope that is ok

=) It's fine

* leans back tapping his fingers against his lips* You had some catching up ta do, and now we wait on Maxwell character reaction to see whats new there. Congrats Aurora, you have came up with a situation where I actually have to think hard about what my char would do.

A couple things, you called a mare "he" and referred to her head as "his head" minor things really. I think that perhaps I like it when you get carried away, for you bring the readers with you.

I made a post.  It's pretty rough, but im pretty tired so have at 'er

I dont mind letting people have my character doing small things if it advances the story line, such as him holding a cup or doing something he was asked to do for a person he is favorably inclined towards...or even asking a very reasonable question "What were you doing?" does not seem a stretch for my character to do, and the fact that it was done so not in MY own writing doesnt bother me.

HOWEVER, with that being said...I do very much dislike having some one write more then an obvious question or answer with my character. Esp, when there were other characters that could have been used ( The innkeeper, any of the patrons, the Cook> to do the very same thing and not strain credibility. Maxwell and others, if its a small temperary thing feel free to have my char do something...something that even I would know to do in the circumstance ( bow to a noble, get out of the way of a charging horse, common sense things, etc etc etc) but if you are unsure or commits my character to a long term act ( this conversation with the head of the royal guard for instance, will likely be a several post ordeal if I decide to have Braken speak to  Rag) ASK...in all likelihood I will say yes, and give you how the char would act...but while its your words describing the scene, its still holding true to the character's nature and internal development.

I edited the pronoun agreement in my last post, nice catch SMS

Your welcome...do you want me to post, or do you want to post next Aurora?

whatever works for you, if you have time to post then go for it, it will be interesting to see what Braken has planned

You're right, sorry Braken.  I suppose at the time I just didn't want to have to go back and forth to move the scene along so I just chose simple dialogue that I didn't think would be too far of a stretch.  Next time I will ask.

well that's why were doing this, to test it out and see what works...I had done the same thing earlier without realizing it, of course we'll run into some issues at the start

I removed Braken's last dialogue as requested.  I think it still holds together

Now would be a good time for someone else to jump in.

Ya I am gonna wait a while to post to give someone else the chance to add a character if they so desire

I'd like to bring my character but Im not really sure how to do that.. what could she be doing there, and the like. Would you have any ideas? Youve read my story so you know what is Mei/Eira like...

You could start a parallel scene in another locale.  Maybe you could bump into Aurora

haha rizzy and I are working on that scene right now, I was just going to post that

so if anyone else wants to jump into the Braken/Ullr scene or Maxwell or SMS want to continue it, go for it...Kiara and Mei are going to have a separate interaction so Mei doesn't have to jump right into the guard scene, then we can bring everyone together again soon

It also looks like we are going to try to plan it out ahead of time/write it together, so it will be an interesting example of another collaboration technique

thats fun, I will throw a post on monday....gives you all a chance to get some posts in.

before I spend too much time on this opening scene, how many of your characters are traveling from the western continent, specifically from a port in Eastern Rawen(possibly Serath, its closer so possibly cheaper, though there are some reasons for it being unlikely that a transport ship would be making a non-stop Serath-Easden voyage a possible point of edit later.) to some port in Easden near the Western Fortress.  the trip would be early summer  with the idea that travelers at this point in time have been summoned for their interviews. (and so haven't been accepted yet but did make it to "round two") If I have no takers I will instead write from the point of debarkation.

Transport maybe not, but war tends to jack up prices of merchandise between the two countries at war,,,and since it would not be to much more hassle to feed a mouth that is not working then a mouth that is working. So if your characters are willing to take space in cargo space or share a cabin...you could save coin. I know that the Reefwinder wouldnt normally go on the eastern side save for the gap between norn and easden....If your chars are willing to hit norn first you would likely have a much better luck on getting much nearer Etown then the Western Fortress...unless you want a two to three month journey?

share a cabin yes, cargo space not really.  She has the time but not really the money.  I figure that greed is a constant and there will always be merchant ships.  Reskry fears the morals of such greedy people (and hence her safe arrival) and would rather take a transport ship (whose business reputation depends on the safe arrival of its passengers), even if its all the way from Rawen.   Also the same reasons that lead to the increase in prices between opposing countries also raises the price of transport fees, and creates hassles with their version of "customs". another reason to leave from Rawen.  Additionally, she doesn't have money to spare for passage all the way to the other side but if she leaves earlier she has the time to walk it from the nearer side.  Rather she does have the money but it would break her bank and she is not sure what she will need by way of school supplies if the interview goes well. also if the Interview goes badly she needs to have the money to get BACK. the way she figures.. she can always leave early.

also, Its my understanding that they aren't at war because officially. "nothing happened"  they are just under extremely tense relations... this could be bad memory though

No, I believe you're right.  They aren't at war yet.

Currently, they are not at war in this timeline, but still, traveling between Easden and Serath is difficult (but not impossible).

Then I will definately go with my original plan of leaving from Rawen.  while the trip from a Serathian port might be shorter, a trip from a Rawenese port will have  alot less hassle.  It might even be cheaper due to a lack of additional "fees" both legitimate and otherwise.

still, back to the original question... is anyone else making the same trip at about the time I mentioned.

tonno, my guy is a half Rawenese half Easdinian. you can smack him in there

my link to my characters base stuff is right here...just so's you know, he's one of the "im going even if i dont get accepted crowd"

Maxwell: I dont know what your character plan is for Ullr, but my character either wants him to be bonded to him until such time as the damages ( horse, cost of stall, and irritation levels of Kiara running away is paid back) or Ullr should lose an ear in punishment. My character would suggest the losing of an ear first to make the bonding seem more reasonable....and he would take his time forming the ideas in ways that wouldnt offend land bound dirt lovers.

When Kiara eventually meets up with Ullr and Braken again, she would like to ask for thieving lessons from Ullr to make up for the scare he gave her (but he would have full rights to the hayloft) as right now she is a horrible thief and is starving...let me know if that would work for you Maxwell as it might tie you into a few scenes, if not I'd be happy to revise the plan.  Thanks!

Which would be cool by Braken, because taht might put Aurora in Braken's debt which gives Braken a leg up...making it easier for him to justify hanging out with her....and a way to learn Thieves runes. If Braken ever learns that thieves use runes that is!

Well Kiara was thinking that she might "reward" Braken for his service by offering to teach him to ride- Jazzy her pony comes back into play- but that might not be viewed as a positive and would only be an offer anyways

Well all of that is well and good for me!  And it might be very entertaining to have Ullr teach Kiara how to steal since Ullr, himself, isn't very good at it.  But I like where that train of thought is going.  It could be quite comical.

As for the bonding, sounds good.  Although I highly doubt Ullr will stay for very long in Braken's service before running off and getting 'lost'.

now if any one went through my link and read my stuff i have come to a dilemma.

How should Felix tell Tania?

Rip it off like a bandage. Quick and extremely painful! What are we taking about?

my little intro character starting thing its near the bacon thread

any takers? guess not...

he's gonna tell her at midnight and...'wait with her'... on the pier till dawn (still family friendly waiting)

Just to clarify...Maxwell or SMS, or anyone new who enters that location, if you can think of a way to get everyone together again and would like to write it, go for it, but I wasn't expecting you to come after Kiara...since I was the one who left the scene in the first place, I figured that it would be up to me to make it back, and your storyline is a little more complicated at the moment

Out of curiosity, Aurora, where are you posting your story?

I'm just referring to what we have written in the IC: Post Phase Two thread

I'm glad to know you guys are still so fired up. Now I have to make sure my writing doesn't suck or I'll be flogged.

*stops flogging Delen*  Oh... you mean we're not supposed to start yet?  And I already have my hard on....

Creepy.

Of all we've said and done, THIS is the thing you find creepy?

No, I just vocalized it just then, if I had to say it every time, we'd have nothing but "Topagae is scared" and "Topagae is creeped out" messages.

he he he he...

Mission Accomplished! *high fives all around*

*high five* why for this high five?

It's not really hard to scare me.

boo?

I just took the Mary-Sue test
scored a 26

That's a blast from the past. Why so high?

I don't think I took mine right... either that or it just didn't ask the right questions so I will let others take it for me after sufficient scenes have been written.

took it twice averaged the scores
second time i took out the "what the hell why not" answers. first was a 31, second was a 23

wow

what?

Might wanna view the source and check why they['re so high.

yeah based on the intent I would think you'd want a middle ranging score.  not too far to either side.

do you think a character that is missing half of two fingers but is other wise not to far from average, would be considered unattractive?

depends which two fingers....   no, depends on the person looking I would imagine in general no. unless the person were especially shallow.

bottom on the right hand

I don't think its enough to disqualify him as attractive. I think it would depend more on what the rest of him looked like.

does being the son and apprentice to a black smith give me a reason to make "have a great body/physique"?

probably

you character is the son of a blacksmith???

yeah, and his moms a apothecarian

thats going to make the boat ride interesting...

he's taking a hammer. Just in case he doesn't get in, he can work his trade.

here, just look at the very top red part. basic description.

thats going to be funny.

the hammer? heck yeah, cause his relative stat equivalency for strength is 14 ...

Grr!!

@maxwell: calm down Blackmage, I know you're my best fiend

Is it reasonable that the son of an artisan in a port town be fluent in the languages of their trading countries?

no, just stuff combined with the fact that you seem to be the only other "PC" on the boat other than Reskry at this point... the Senseis know why I am amused.

more than reasonable, probable

Being a blacksmith would make you pretty butch.  It's A LOT of arm work

high con too?

not necessarily average Con would do,  though the Endurance feat would apply.

he also walks around distributing and delivering orders, would that affect it?
i think forging would require a higher con than average.

I dunno about that.  I could imagine there being a butch but sissy blacksmith... it's not exactly a brave and bold profession.  Although, in medieval times blacksmith was a pretty prestigious position... like being a doctor.  Every town had to have one.  So I guess it wouldn't be for the faint of heart

Agree.  Average con would do fine.

oh, yeah, not a table topper...forgot about that Max...

nope,  only need strength to carry it around... don't don't need to be able take a big.. "hit"  just a lot of small ones and not get tired out from them.   so average con with the Endurance feat.

Well I believe the authors said that con wasn't just physical constitution, but also willpower.  So it's up to you to decide how willed he is.  Seeing as he's the blacksmith's son... he could have gotten shoehorned into the profession and therefore have little will.... or he could really want to be a blacksmith and therefore have high willpower

ahh then imagine it being that you can take just as much punishment as anyone else, just you also have a skill where prolonged activity doesn't affect you as much as others.

so slightly above normal con. 11? 12?
How about Dex?

Well you should have about 82 points in total (says the guideline), so be generous with your stat lines.  It's harder to fill than initially anticipated >.<

above average for the fine detailed work.  etchings and stuff.  but doesn't need to be super.

Max: i know you can give your self a 13 in everything with 82 points
Tonno: 12...

that would be fine. really blacksmith work is mostly strength as long as you dex is not so low to cause you to miss where you are aiming  thats the limit of dex you NEED.   mostly you will take time to line up the metal and strike.  the true technique is in hitting it hard enough to bend it like you want but not to hard as to pound a hole or bend too much or two thin...  it really is the strength to swing this heavy thing but also control the swings speed.

everything else is really just "extra" after you meet a certain minimum amount.

lunch done, outs YO!

yeah, i have 10 points floating around unspent with out 'tanking my character'

later

consider your hobbies and what skills you need for those.   I doubt you spend 12 hours a day in your forge.

14 wisdom...

8 Cha- he is good at making him self look like an @$$

*fixed my Mary-Sue test got a 19

Sorry for the delay- expect another post from me sometime tonight...

Well there's a short addition, I'll be adding more soon.  For the next part, some background facts are necessary:

Kiara's father is the chief Cleric for the royal family and the nobles in the Royal City, and she comes from a long line of famous healers.  She is horrible with runes and has a surprisingly low affinity for magic; at 10 she was apprenticed to another Palace cleric to learn the trade until she was old enough to attend a school like Eastridge, but her extreme lack of skill led to the apprenticeship being dissolved after only one year, and she was forced to find work as a hostler instead.

Oooo, the Student needs a good smith. She tends to break things.

Hey SMS - I decided to wait and let Aurora's scene play out for a while... Maybe let Rizzy get a word in edgewise

Figure your character was out for a few hours? Works for me, maybe let them get into town before starting up again to stimulate a real knock out....it works for me.

Well if Aurora and Rizzy continue writing we can assume these events are transpiring simultaneously.

At the very least we can begin the next segment with "Braken awoke the next morning, still contemplating Ullr's punishment.  Evidently Ullr was no escape artist as he had failed to get away in the night and remained slouched in his chair."  Or something to that effect.

I was thinking more along the lines of using the chair he was tied to, ta hang Ullr upside down in the stable....but I need you to post something for Reg's response...Ullr is your character so you get to decide just how protective of the law vs protective of Ullr Reg is. I also need to know Ullr's intial reaction to Braken's requests were...that way I can my char go back in memory to the past night as my char eats breakfast.

Ill start the scene when Aurora and Rizzy are finished, then to help clear up those questions.

Works for me, that will make my life infinately easier...as I have no idea what Ullr is endurered too.

Well I'll keep writing then, so you guys don't have to wait too long, and hopefully Rizzy will jump in at some point

I'm going to add another post, but since it involves Mei and Rizzy hasn't seen the final draft, I'll say that it's pending edits and might make some changes based on her suggestions

@ Aurora - Yikes, I think our characters are mutually exclusive.  I had planned for Jira's family to take care of the clerical work for the royal family.

*raises a brow*....  be second cousins...

Occam's Razor wins again!

I was gonna suggest that perhaps, a different royal family...but Tonno's is much better than I.

Thank you SMS.  yours isn't half bad though.  and it would give us more foreign students.  Diversity Rocks!

I think both of us planned for our character's father to be the head cleric, so second cousins wouldn't work.  I had thought maybe their families could be the chief cleric for a noble family instead of the emperor, but that wouldn't work well with some of the plotlines I'd like to throw in for my character.  A royal family for a completely other country though... interesting.  I might be able to make that fit Jira, or Aurora could do that for Kiara if she wanted (since Kiara is trying to get far from her family).  Oh well, don't let it interrupt the writing you're doing now.  I'm having too much fun reading it

Haha sorry I had actually thought that might be a problem, making her the daughter of the chief healer...the only thing I could think of is that Kiara's father could be the chief of the palace healers (for everyone) and Jira's could be the royal family's personal cleric

That could work too.  It might give our characters an interesting past together

So Maxwell and SMS, I guess since no one else is has added a character I'll meet back up with you guys, and that way you'll be able to continue with your scene as well...I'll probably write up to the point where she is back around the area of the Inn, but it would be nice to know what has gone on with you two over the course of the day so I'll know where to find you.  If anyone still wants to add in a character, even for just a short scene, let me know so I don't take away your opening.  Thanks!

That works for me, I am just waiting on maxwell to post Regs reaction and Ullr's reaction and I can take it into the late night after I see that...just plan on meeting us in the stable with Ullr hanging from the rafters, still tied in a chair

Maxwell, Aurura, I'm writing but it takes me a few days to write a story decent enough to post it lol. I'm either that slow or that bad But theres no other way to improve then practice, practice, practice.

We'll wait for you, Rizzy.  Don't worry.  Is your scene designed to meet with Aurora?  Or are you meeting with us at the tavern?

Don't worry about it Rizzy, can't wait to read your scene

Not a problem Rizzy, patience is a virtue...one that is naught often practiced, but one surely deserving of some attention from time to time.

The person Kiara crashed into is Rizzy's character Mei, and my last post ended with them staring at one another, so I don't think she's planning on meeting you at the tavern- you'd be welcome to continue that storyline if you'd like to

Hey Maxwell, I can wrap up the scene if you want...I just need to have your permission and a little bit of insight on Ullr's and Reg's relationship.

So I've been filling in the missing time between when Kiara left and when the next scene started to keep writing; it's mostly been just an exercise for myself but if anyone was interested or Maxwell/SMS if you needed a little more insight into Kiara's character, I could try to set up something like Fearful's page.  Right now I just have some short scenes from a few different viewpoints.

Naw I think that if Maxwell or Rizzy dont post something today, I will just skip a few hours ahead in my scene....I have a couple ideas of how my character would react...and since Ullr is npc ( granted maxwell's npc but still an npc) I might take him over for a bit and write it out. Maxwell has had sufficient time to give us a short reaction scene.

There's the response.  Have at 'er!

Thanks Maxwell, looks good

While I'm waiting on the other story: http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dp5dqdv_54938tfhm

If you're bored, take a look and tell me what you think so far...I might keep working on it a bit, so it will probably be changing over the next few hours

Got it maxwell, gonna have lunch with some friends and donate plasma...gonna let taht scene wash over me for at least a few hours as I think about how my char would take those last parting words....and the rest of Reg said. Nicely done by the by Max

Correction: Scene done...got bit by the writing bug, the verb agreement seems off some how....I find that writing this in the present tense is some what different/disturbing in how I normally write. It seems I tend to write in the past tense, anyone see any pros and cons to writing fully in either past or present tense?

I always write in the past tense- I think that either works as long as you are consistent.  The problem I found with using the past tense is that you have to do flashbacks in the past perfect (had VERB).  In the extra scene that I wrote (posted above), I had to write a whole day as past perfect to show that it happened before the writing that was using the past tense, and I wasn't sure about how smoothly it ended up reading.

It read well, and I presume that you ment that (had verb) = that you had to change out the frequantly used verbs such as "has" would be changed to "had". I didnt notice a flashback, though a few memory references I caught...perhaps me slow?

what I was talking about was how if you write a scene totally in the past tense, if you want to include a flashback, you need a way to indicate that the flashback happened further in the past than what you are currently writing (and that's where the past perfect tense comes into play).  For example, if you were using present tense, you could say: Kiara waves to the boy.  He gave her a gift yesterday.  Where as if you were writing in the past tense, you would have to say: Kiara waved to the boy.  He had given her a gift yesterday (with the past perfect, had + the verb)

it works fine as long as you are thinking about it, its just harder to have variety in your verbs... if you notice, the two paragraphs that I describe what had happened on the previous night and day (that's the flashback- the whole scene is supposed to take place on the morning of the second day of the journey) had to have all perfect verbs, which gets kinda old

Wow, now I feel ignorant due to having had no clue this class of word existed!

Haha ya all the grammar I know is from some horrible years of Latin in high school, plus it looks like I might be an English major so I guess I'm supposed to know some of this stuff

Looks like? Dont tell me ya got press ganged into a re education school for Grammer Nazi's? * grins* Honestly, if I thought I had any talent at all in poetry I would have switched to english major in a heart beat in college. Get to read CS Lewis and older stuff, get to write poetry, and get to pull out kick @$$ qoutes in conversations!

I am wondering if we could perhaps put a time limit on posting times....a week after the last post in the thread? How do you all feel about it...this would require us to have a post order.

Sorry about my slow responses.  I was hitting a bit of a writer's wall on the beta piece so this one sort of took a back seat.

On the plus side, my beta piece ended up being 2600 words...

Congrats Maxwell, I'm sure it came out great.  I'd be up for having a posting time, I know Rizzy is planning something but I'm still not sure what her timing is, a posting order might solve the difficulty I'm having now of not knowing whether I should be waiting to post or not

Awesome sauce on the beta piece Maxwell...yeah, when ya hitting things just give us a heads up, that way we can sympathize and know that we might have a wait on our hands.  Unless I know better, I presume that i am the center of other peoples worlds when it comes to collberating projects.

Aurora when you see rizzy next would you see how long we can expect to wait on that piece? As far as posting order...I am fine for being first or second....Maxwell you fine with being third and Rizzy you cool with being current last?  Posting time, is a week too long or too short or just right?

Ya I'll ask Rizzy...what I'd say for right now is that you and Maxwell could do one more exchange if you wanted to to get it to be the morning/afternoon of the next day (it is dawn in our scene, and we still have a bit of a journey back)...in the meantime hopefully Rizzy will post one more scene with just Kiara and Mei, and I would probably do a quick one to show us leaving.  Once everyone is together again, we could start to have a posting order.  I think a week would be a good base time, with considerations taken if people let us know what is going on.

We have a full week to do our pieces... there really is no excuse for me not keeping up.  Will have another section up today.

Added a story.  Thought this might be a good opportunity to reintroduce Aurora or something (Maybe she returns to the stable to find Ullr sleeping in the chair?)  Otherwise SMS you can continue the scene starting in the morning.

If that's the case, carry on with the interrogation (if it pleases you).  I suspect Ullr will be far more liberal in his answering

I think I'm going to give it two more days and if Rizzy hasn't added anything by Sunday, I'll just continue and she can jump in...I don't want to mess with the continuity but its been a while and I'd like to get this story moving again

Not a problem, feel free to have my char with a plate at his feet and him snoozing up against a wall or something. He would be on his feet < shoulders against the wall, hips slightly more distant and swaying\...everything buttoned up>

Hey Maxwell, update on rizzy's and aurora's scene it should be posted by sunday. Will post another scene tommorrow when I have bandwidth, if they post before me...let me post before you please, that way the scene order can be established...thanks.

So I have an insanely long post for Kiara and Mei's interaction, that I'm still finishing the end of up to the point where they return to meet Bracken and Ullr at the Inn...what do you think, post the first part of the conversation now and then follow up with the rest in a day or two, or wait and do it all together?  I don't really care much either way, but I still need to talk to Rizzy about a few things for the end so it might take a little bit longer.

I say go ahead and do the first part of the conversation, that way you dont threaten to hit space limits...and you can get the post to get though on the system with in an hour.

Ok, I warned you its long though, and not too much action, I'll try to make the next half more exciting and less internal brooding

Sorry for the confusing pronouns too, they never exchanged names so I had to keep using "she" for both Kiara and Mei; just for clarification, "the girl" refers to Mei almost exclusively

*shrugs* the whole point of writing is to express YOURSELF though a slightly to much different mindset and body....what ever writing style you bring to the table is for the reader to accept or reject, as their option. I personally enjoy reading a well done piece of internal brooding * loves the doctor jeckal and Mr. Hyde conversations that the writer of the League of extrondaire gentlemen presumes in the movie*

*chuckles* let me kill 71 posts in the etc etc etc forum and t hen I will read your ic post

Finally done with my part of the story. I hope it's good at least when it took so long. Writing Auroras scene from Meis point of view turned out to be more difficult then I expected, its the longest story I had written in english so far.. wheew. Don't let yourself bother that much about posting order, I'm putting it on that web page compilation of stories in the right order no matter the posting time. Updated the page so check it out ^^

Would need the addy to check it out lass.

*blinks having just read the IC thread* Rizzy good show on the intertwining of the stories...just a few small things, there are some words that are either misspelled or nonsensical in 2 or at most 3 of your paragraphs. If you want I can hit ya with a private convo with them so you can correct them?

Loved the end...I know I'd already read most of it but you still definitely surprised me; let me know if there is anything you'd like me to change about the characterization of Mei in the last post I wrote and I'd be happy to.

@SMS : Thanks, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm not learning english that long as to avoid all the mistakes Whats 'an addy'? I'm pretty sure its not an adder since its kind of a snake but maybe.. a link to the page where I hoard the stories?

@ Aurora : I like your decriptions, no need to change them ^.^

Si senorita, thy address to thy page of yarns I do request. @ rizzy, and thus it be not a problem to look though the writings and help...as I see thus as well. You do be on the correct route of inquiry when you think it not be a deadly serpent.

'but if I'll keep up I can be in the town  the evening'.  (first paragraph last sentence^)

Eira was still several miles from the < You dont need "The" here..suggest just to remove it>Eastridge town when dark clouds started to gather on the sky.

The heavy drops of rain fell to the drained dirt < This would be  the first time I have seen these two words together in this context, so am unclear what you are going for in this instant...perhaps "dry dirt"?> instantly soaking in, the leaves rustled as the drops beated against them and fresh odor of ozone filled the air.

tumbled back to the mud. (implies that she just got her whole body out of the mud when at most only both her feet were stuck...though it was likely only one foot <?>>

, as she could feel the burden tacking her down slowly raise.  ( tacking? Perhaps "the burden that had tackled her, slowly start to raise" or "the burden that had taken her down, slowly start to raise?)

Eira kneeled at <"by" would be a much better word I think, "at" tends to only be used for a location or time and usually indicates standing on the point in question.>the girl and quickly reviewed her basic life actions - breathing and pulse. She seemed allright in that regard.

Eira hastily gripped the girls arms, trying to drag her away, but it was not much <"of a"...you can eliminate these words, while not wrong they clutter the sentence up and destroy the flow....but this is personal preference of mine, and if its for writer voice or character voice, feel free to ignore this comment> use

They'll< remove the " 'll" and use "would" as a suggestion, the flow would be more natural imo.> have to stay here. Eira looked around the place. (what kinda place, and for what? Love the describtion of the local in the next sentence but it doesnt lacks something because I dont know what Eira is looking for, so the wetness of the treetops while useful to know matters little to me.)

There sit Eira in front of a rude campfire and another girl was laying beside her, wrapped in grey woolen blanket.  ( kinda a choppy sentence, while its right technically...perhaps a different order? "there sat Eira watching the sleeping wounded girl, and the rude campfire standing guard over it as the Eira's cloak hung over the lowest branches of the pine." ? Just a suggestion.)

Hope this helps, anyone feel free to comment and add suggestions or alterations of my thoughts which are in <> and () respectively.

Hey maxwell if you want to post something for Ullr's response, you can take it up to midmorning of the next day...Aurora is in finals so it might take her a bit to post...also rizzy doesnt really care for the post order idea, any idea how we can know who gots next?

Another insanely long post from me coming up soon.  Enjoy!

Just wow...:D, I really dont know how Braken would take this.

I will wait for maxwell and possibly rizzy if she wants in on this.....unless i hear something by monday I will presume that I get to go next in the IC

Oh man, did I kill the story???

Where the heck is everyone?

i was waiting for sms to respond

Better question: Did you kill everyone?

but I could write one if you'd like, I just thought since I had kinda left it open to see what Braken would do, I would give him a little bit of time to respond

Well at least I didn't kill the thread *phew!*

Nah its been pretty cool, I liked the addition of Ullr...he definitely made things interesting quick

I believe you did, however, break the time thing in the corner of the posts, as they suddenly seem to say 999 days ago, at least for me.  But that is likely my computer's fault.

That happens when a thread gets too long, I think. Happens in the Importance threads all the time. It'll go back to normal in a sec.

well now it's only an hour and a half off, which I guess is better...kinda ominous though, this thread might start crashing soon...

Ba ba bababa bum!

I was half hoping Eira would show up and give me an out on how SMS would respond...expect a post by the end of today...by the by Aurora congrats on the final

post done.

o.0 @ Kiara's actions .......Oh this could be very entertaining!

You guys right so much!  Yeesh!

Wow... there's a lot of text in this story, already.

srry, I tend to be very wordy...always gets me in trouble on papers and stuff

SMS do you want to go next? Or do you want me to write about them making a run for it so you have something to respond to?

I got it covered, your guy's move.

I think I'll give SMS a chance to respond before I write any more, but wow, this is definitely getting interesting.  Haha I'm so glad we all play so nicely together...

Maxwell would you like to write or am I up again?  Either works for me...

You're up

Ok before I write it though does Ullr have enough magic to stop the rune...Kiara doesn't, and I guess I could just have it hit her either way, but I don't want to mess up your storyline

Naw.  Ullr doesn't know much.  Certainly nothing combat related.

by the by you two, I would appriacate it if you allowed me some room to negotiate...my character would have stayed on the ground and casted before trying to get up.....but because it was wrote in such a way that my char HAD  to get up for the scene to not have to get re written, I had to write it as such

Sorry about that...I tried to leave it open by having Kiara not recognize the dark shape above her, so it didn't have to be Braken, but I guess I did have him start to rise...I'll be more careful in the future, or feel free to ask for rewrites, I'm still pretty new at this and would much rather fix a scene than force your character to do something you don't want them to

new post up

Ok I'm out...beach time!

It was a small thing, and it give me an oppurtunity to showcase one of his flaws, and to take a couple of hits so I dont look like a combat wombat...out of curiousity what is kiara's strength....Braken is only 10 in that so average. You did give me enough space to wiggle in, but then maxwell's post had me moving two or three steps ahead of what I would have normally wrote ( not a bad thing, just different from what I am use too). all in all I think I like how this worked out anyway.enjoy aurora

Kiara's stats are:

Strength - 12 

Intelligence - 10

Dexterity - 15

Fortitude - 15

Wisdom - 16

Charm – 14

thanks, enjoy the beach trip...want a return on the stats for braken?

sure

Strength - 10
Intelligence -15
Dexterity - 14
Fortitude - 18
Wisdom - 13
Charm – 12

That's one tough puppy

indeed, as a mage will is king...so fortitude is needed, that and getting sick everytime you bend over gets you tough quickly

I'll be away for a few days, but feel free to continue, I can catch up when I get back

your call maxwell, yer next ta post....you need any descibtions from me?

Wheew I'm reading up on the stuff.. I'm sorry for no answers, Im usually available on MSN but don't read the forums when working. And I had quite some work to do. I'm free for a week now so I can catch up ^.^ If you want me to.. I'm starting to think maybe I took too big a bite this time.

Your call Rizzy, if you want to back out of this...it would be a great time, though Ullr might be needing a clerics attention soon. By the By Maxwell, your post had me oocly feeling quite territorial about my character. I am still not sure what to do about it, I had other ideas on how my character would react.

Rizzy, let me know what you want to do...if you do want back in, I can have Kiara find that lake Mei told her about and they can run into one another again

Allright, lets discuss the scenario on MSN? We can meet on the lake or I can come to the tavern.. after you left Eira packed the camp and spent the day in the city.. she's waiting for a caravan, tehy've her stuff, she went ahead while the caravan stopped at a village less then two days back.

SMS I'll wait for you before I post again- that way you can figure out what you want to do and it will be easier to adjust if needed...I would be fine with whatever we decide to do

Thank You Aurora...got a serious case of Territorial-itis with my character...question: If my character told your character to punch him while he grabbed a place thats definately inappropriate, where would she and would she punch?

Yes, she would definitely punch without question, and since he's a bit shorter than her I would say that she would give him an uppercut or hook punch to the jaw, or at least somewhere on his face depending on how he moves.  She's not one to hesitate to throw a punch.

Good, then he is gonna speak quick and hope for a good outcome....how far away do you think the innkeeper is.....in yards from the us, and just how squishy is her squishy parts...where are her pockets?

I would say that Kiara heard the Innkeeper from inside the Inn through an open doorway, and started speaking as he came out of the door...he would be making his way across the courtyard to the stables during the time  she was talking, but since it's night again we can say that there would be groups of people in the way, so he is within sight but it would still take him a bit to reach them; that can be adjusted as you wish for what you have planned, as you certainly seem to be thinking of something, and I would be happy to adjust the end of my post to make him start further away

How quick eyed and thought is the innkeeper Aurora, your char has more interaction and backstory invested in him, so I defer to you on that. I was gonna ignore the night time thing as there is no way that THAT MUCH time had passed.

no idea on the specific number of yards, take your pick.  Kiara would have pockets towards the top of her breeches, which would be covered by a longer tunic without pockets.  She would have a belt with a pouch over the tunic at her waist.  Her clothes are most similar to Fell's in the character pictures, but her tunic would have a slit at the neck secured with crossed leather ties rather than a full opening down the front (his seems to be open all the way down and held together with the belt).  You would have to reach under her shirt to access her pants pockets.

I was confused about the time thing too, I would guess mid to late afternoon.  As far as I thought of him the Innkeeper is a shrewd businessman and can spot someone cheating him in a second, but he loses his head when he gets angry, so he would not be overly observant during his current rampage.  He doesn't have a plan in mind other than to fight, so if he caught any of them he would be quick to act, but he would be slow to adjust to changes in the scene.  I would say that his anger affects him the same way being slightly drunk would.  If an adjustment to that would be helpful to you though its definitely easy to change.  Kiara is supposed to be fit with a muscular build, and relatively small-chested, she's still pretty young and tries her best to be boyish.

Good all of that is to my advantage, my char wouldnt know that and is gonna pay but it might possibly put him in a favorable position in the end....or as close to favorable when the alternative is jail

Aurora, I am gonna write out my chars actions but the results of what the innkeeper is gonna be up to you to decide...I cant seem to step out of wanting favor to happen for my char but I dont want to bend an npc's personality either. Feel free to have the innkeeper strike Braken, and have braken react to the strike by being knocked back or down as the energy dictates...remember Runes cost actual energy so by now Braken is both mentally and physically beat up.

Sounds good.  Also, Rizzy and I thought of a good compromise to allow her to continue writing with us but without the pressure of having to make quick posts...Mei is going to be a peripheral character, similar to Dove in the main story, who we can encounter at random times but who won't be in on all the action.  Whichever character met her would write about it from their perspective in the normal flow of the story, then continue on, and Rizzy would write the same scene from Mei's point of view and post it when finished, regardless of the current action...very similar to the last set of posts we did, but we wouldn't have to wait for her response to continue so she wouldn't feel pressured to finish in a certain time.  Mei had mentioned visiting a lake to Kiara in their last encounter- when the time seems appropriate in our new sequence (Rizzy knows it might take a bit for the right time to come up) Kiara is going to visit the lake and run into her.  Since Kiara owes both Braken and Ullr and all of them are dirty and hurt, she will probably thank them by letting them know about the potential for free or cheap healing at the lake, but it would be up to them at the time of course if they would want to join her.

Does the idea for when Rizzy will write at least seem good to you guys?

I like it, however my wont be at the meeting, however there is a certain dagger you could retreive while the inn keeper is busy dealing with Braken that Braken would know and would recieve well...esp if it was delivered by a cleric with a meeting time at said lake.....I actually love the idea, it makes her seem more a druid or shaman. Oh by the by, Braken seems more irritated then mad. I will be posting tommorrow or thursday afternoonish

I just noticed this forum existed, is it ok to post mine?

Post your what flint?

Post is up icly.

Go for it, Flint.

Sorry that took forever, but I put up a new post, pending changes if you wish...I was confused about whether to have Braken running with Kiara or left unconscious at the stables.  I tried to leave it open so that it could be Braken or someone else that followed, though I'm not sure who the someone else would be yet.  SMS, I'd be happy to post again with the Innkeeper's response, but you'll have to tell me first if you're going to go with Maxwell's post and have Braken follow them or if you'd like him to remain at the Inn.  And I'm still a little confused, so I would be happy to change that last post if needed.

@ Flint- Def go for it, would love to read it.  If you'd be interested in adding your own character, now seems like it might be a pretty opportune time.

yeah i would like to add my own character but can i use the one i created for the application or would you prefer a new character its just that i have my ld character (morgana) pretty figuered out and it would help develop her for when the beta stage is finished

Ya, I've been using my original character, and SMS has as well; Maxwell is using a new character, so you're welcome to do whatever you think might be easiest

I vote Morganna personally for Flint...I mean half the fun of this is getting to know your character. Hey Aurora, my char got knocked the funk out by Kiara....so it cant be my char ( *hasnt read the ic thread yet, but knows his char is out cold*)

Oh and Aurora, Kiara will find that the dagger has a slightly longer handle then what might be expected for a normal dagger...

If you want ill post what im going to wtite here first so im not smessing anyones plots up

naw, If you want you could be the third person in the room...dont know why you would follow them in, but it might be fun to see where it goes? Isnt morgana a cleric....a woman running with a clear limp might be incentive enough to follow her

Ya I was kinda hoping you might volunteer to be the third person in the room, I'm already going to write the Innkeeper's part and that would save me from having to make another character, I didn't want to ignore Maxwell's post about there being three people in the alley entirely

yeah that was exactly what i was thinking, now i was reading the posts and they where long can you give me a brief synopisis ive read thye post but make sure im not missing stuff

Maxwell and SMS, let me know if there's anything I should add.

Just posted, and heres a description of Morgana - Red hair, Blue eyes, and tall and slim, wears a white dress from rouh linen cloth.

Sorry Flint, can't see it for some reason...maybe it's just me.

SMS, I'm starting the Innkeeper's response now, should be up pretty soon, but I was wondering if you had a preference as to how soon you'd like to join the rest of the gang again...do you want to have your own storyline for a while?  Or rejoin everyone else pretty quickly?

He should be out for the night, if the innkeeper buys the story of him leaving out Braken releasing the Tighten rune...then he can rejoin two days from him being knocked out...I figure that much time for him to desire to get up after a day with out food and the amount of energy he put out in the fight with runes and emotion.

If Mei wants to go to the inn then she might gain some copper in quicking this process for Braken. If the inn keeper doesnt buy his story, well braken is then at the inn keepers mercy.

I also dont see the post Flint.

New post is up- sorry to reintroduce Reginald without checking with you Maxwell, but I didn't want to leave Braken alone at the Inn and it had already been stated in previous posts that the Innkeeper was pursuing Kiara and Ullr.  Would you be willing to write Reginald's next scene with Braken?

Sorry for another crazy-long post btw.

Reginald = NPC.  He's anyone's character

you cant see it? thats wierd i can, want me ti post it here and see if you cah see it here?

Morgana looked down at her drink and released a sigh of relief. Finally. She was here, it had taken her weeks of travelling through rough terrain on very poor roads, and she was lucky to get even that. However she was in eastridge at last. She had sold some cures to the locals and managed to rent a room in a rather run down inn. She was feeling uneasy however as she was attracting leers and glares from all across the bar which she wondered had something to do with her choice of beverage. The Innkeeper had offered her some sort of ale but her Father had told her alcohol was a poison to the body and must be avoided. This was almost temptation enough to try it but she abstained and asked for milk instead. She wiped her sweaty hands on the rough cloth of her dress, there’s no need to be foolish, the innkeeper won’t let them harm me she said to herself but looking at the man she felt doubt creep in. Suddenly nervous she was about to stand up and leave when a loud crash sounded across the room. There was sounds of fighting coming from the stables nearby. She grabbed her Healers bag, there was a possibility someone would be injured. When she reached the door and looked out she was surprised to see the stables wrecked. Not as surprised as the innkeeper however for when he saw the damage he released an inhuman roar and Morgana could feel the anger radiating of him. Wondering who could have caused such damage she looked all around her and spotted three people running in the distance. She suspected they where the culprits but she was about to dismiss them from her mind when she spotted one was running with a limp. Her Clerics instinct jumped in and Morgana ran after them, her harsh upbringing had led her to become physically fit and she was gaining on them fast, well two of them anyway the other one had already sped somewhere into the distance. Then the other two stopped, the man –she was sure it was a man, and the other was a woman- had grabbed the girl’s chest. Morgana was already drawing the blast rune when the man fell to the ground and the girl fled, still limping. Morgana cursed and ran after her down an alleyway ready to call out. Before she had the chance a voice called out “In here” she winced the voice was hoarse and suggested dehydration or very bad drinking water. She was surprised to see the girl enter without hesitation and Morgana decided to follow her.

When the door closed Morgana couldn’t speak, she was too out of breath. She stiffened when she felt cold steel and a voice hissing “All right, who are you?”  Morgana quickly drew the light rune filling the room with a soft glow. The woman she was surprised to note was just a girl barely older than her, the boy as she suspected had the characteristics of malnourishment.

“My names Morgana, I’m a healer, a Cleric if you will. I know enough to see that ankle is broken and likely to get infected” Morgana used a loud clear voice she had been taught when dealing with difficult patients “I do not wish you any harm please let me help you” Morgana looked into the girls eyes and held out her hand waiting for her response.

thats it posted can you see it?

I see it Flint...

Poor Braken.....his face is gonna look like a piece from picso. And his ribs are likely bruised, gah.

i reslly dnt get why noone else can see it, i went to IC:PP2W and its theres, confusing

whats the W stand for?

writing

and i just saw that it doesnt have the word writing on, it im an idiot

so was my scene okay i dont know if it was any good or if it fits in eith the story you guys are forming

we are just kinda writing to see where it goes and get practice at least I am...an Im pretty sure Aurora is doing this for something ta do and practice. So we are running just to feel the wind in our hair and our legs fly ing beneath us.

good that was i was hop[ing for, i just need to get  some practise with this character and have some fun at the same time

SMS, do you need me to write another scene from Reginald's point of view?  Or are you ready to have Braken wake up?  And Maxwell, do you want to throw a post in with Ullr's impression of what happened or should I respond to Flint?

Aurora, i was reading your post and saw my story isnt very linear to your deription of what happeed in the inn, so if you want i'll edit the post

I wrote the scene before you posted that and it was deleted by tangler or lost oterwise i would have taken yourpost into account.

Naw i can write it out from there, I am gonna say my char sleeps though the night unless Eira comes and heals him....I dont think Reg would take him to jail...maybe leave instructions that he is under house arrest until the matter gets straigthened out. which should be around noon time ( enough time to get some one down there to question Braken.) Feel free to play though the scene, I dont mind waiting.

Ullr be hiding, then!

@ Flint- It actually sounds like it fits great, we'll assume that Morgana ran out of the Inn just before the innkeeper (and therefore before the major fight), saw Ullr run away and Kiara punch Braken, then took off after Kiara before the innkeeper reached Braken.  I don't see any problem with the description, which is especially cool considering we hadn't seen each other's posts.  I guess I'll go next then and write Kiara's response to Morgana's question, it'll probably be up sometime tonight.

fantastic, you have more faith in my writing than i do  looking foward to next post

Aurora seems to be an glass is half full person, she actually wanted to write with me after all. And you all saw the horridness of that grammer monstrosity!

It wont be as bad as mine, thnk gdod Aurora had confidence in our writing

I do try, it makes life so much more enjoyable.  And you two need to have more confidence in your writing, we are all doing this for fun and I have found your posts extremely enjoyable.  The new post will be up in a minute, it's very short though because I'm still not exactly sure where everyone wants to go with this.

And just a heads-up for Flint, I told Rizzy the same thing...part of Kiara's character is that she has an extreme dislike of clerics (mostly because she's jealous that they can heal and she can't) and though she's starting to warm up, she still is not totally receptive.  It has nothing to do with your specific character, I didn't want you to think that I didn't want our characters to interact much.  So I'm sorry about the cold shoulder, hopefully Kiara will open her mind a little more in the future.

Thats my [post up, i decided to heal Kiara just to make things easier, it only took 3 mins so you didnt miss much time with the scuffle

Can you post descrptions of your characters please? make it easir writing about them

mines is : Red hair, Blue eyes, and tall and slim, wears a white dress from rough linen cloth.

Kiara has wavy black hair falling just past her shoulders which is usually worn tied back with a thin strip of leather in a messy braid.  She has fair skin which gets just the hint of a tan in the summer, and a dusting of freckles on her face and shoulders.  Her eyes are large and framed by dark, thick lashes in an oval face; she has a strong jaw a pointed chin, and a large mouth which is usually smiling.  Her hands are rough and calloused from years of work in the stables, and her face is weather-beaten from a long summer of afternoons spent outside riding.  Kiara is usually seen wearing a rough, sensible tunic and breeches and comfortable, well-broken-in riding boots.  Her arms and legs are crossed with light scars, the remnants of cuts she acquired from her many falls while learning to ride.

I can see your post on the other thread this time.  Yay!

good deleted the story here, yeah i remember reading yoiur post about Kiar's dislike for clerics and remeber her application scene she was not happy with clrics either

I did not see the most recent post by you flint could you post it in here please?

i wonder why the posts arent showing, could you copy and paste this into the IC;pp2 forums sms please?

*does the request*

ta, wonder why btangler is deleting these in that aprticullar forum

I dont know...but its something you should kick to JLY and KL over email to let them know that you are having trouble posting to that specific thread.

dont know how much they can do, i dont think they actually mantain or control the forum probaly something wrong with tangler :l

So whos posting next?

Fixed it so my post was after Flint's...Maxwell do you want to post next?

maxwell: you want to kick me a few questions that Reg would ask of Braken when he woke up, if Reg stays til braken wakes up....how likely would that be. You say he is npc, but he is an npc you created.

Going to school.  Will get back to you soon

I'd like to progress the plotline a little bit, Aurora/Flintdjinn.  A short reply would be good, but it you want to make it long that's fine.  Someone needs to mention Eastridge Academy. (Let's get the hell away from this Tavern!)

i agree with maxwell

heres my relply, tangler was bieng retarded when i tried to post it so if someone cpould again copy and paste it that would be great, sorry bout this

Morgana stared at the boy in utter shock, he had killed a rat like some feral animal. And he was offering it to them for supper? Unsure how to reply all she could manage was a faint murmur which he must of took for a confirmation as he had started to build a fire. Helpless she looked at kiara in Desper

did and done flint, even editted the last word for ya

thnx 

Post is up, hopefully that will move us along a little, I agree that its about time they actually start talking about Eastridge.

Aurora what did kiara mean in this part "the girld did not fufill her promise"

Again im double posting, here goes third time lucky?

Morgana gritted her teeth when she heard the girls tone, she heard the contempt and annoyance there and it brought back memories of her father and village. Looking at the rat she steeled herself and took the rat from Ullr. Walking to her bag she took out the perfectly honed blade from her healer’s bag which she usually reserved for surgery. Deliberately looking at Kiara as she did so, Morgana sat down and began skinning the cursed thing. As she worked she began to tell them of the events that so far had transpired to take her here.

"I was born in Northcroft village, tiny and insignificant in most eyes it was however, a home. My father was the town’s healer as was his father before him, and so on. Yet there was a problem when I was born, a horrible defect at birth that my father could not cure." Morgana stood up and handed the now skinned rat to Ullr, "I was born a woman."

“For years I did as best I could serving as a healers assistant but although this was closer to my dream I was no way near the level of my father, and even this came at a price. Constant prejudice and disbelief from everyone, some even refused treatment. Tired of this I left awaiting a place at Eastridge academy where there I can become a real Cleric”

She looked at Ullr and smiled, she felt sorry for this boy he obviously lacked proper sustenance so her tone as kindly as she could she said “how about you Ullr, how long have you been here?”

Sorry that was confusing, I meant promise there not as a promise that she made, but as in she had looked promising before (when she understood how important it was to hurry through the healing, Kiara thought she might have more of a warrior mindset than a cleric's) but the incident with the rat changed her mind.  I could have also said, "The girl did not keep up her favorable impression" etc., I can edit it if it is confusing.

I can see both posts Flint in case you were wondering...really liked your last post, hopefully Morgana can finally knock some sense into Kiara, I feel bad always having to be mean in my posts.

thanks for the explntion, i actually like Kiara's personality really fun to write Morgana's reaction towards it

Maxwell you possting next?

The scene Ullr describes involving Quelyk did, in fact, transpire in one of the earlier beta postings I made.  I hope this makes for an interesting plot device, and maybe gives us a chance to attend Eastridge... even if we didn't get accepted

thats my post up, I think thats a great idea, i have a suspicion that morgana would not like Quelyk

If i remeber right he is a cleric so perhaps Morgana could meet him when she trying to get a sneak look at them working?

Aurora you want to go next? SMS - do you want to post soon, i dont want you to feel pushed out here

Im cool, part of role playing is that you learn how to share the lime light and how to let other characters develop with out interferring too much ( rushing them, wrongly anticipating a different player's characters upcomming actions, etc. Besides me and maxwell need to talk about reg and what his questions would be).

Flint, I saw your last post on the ic thread, not the firstone where you posted in the Post Phase two.

ARRGH why is tangler bieng so Rtarded, from now on ill just fouble post here every time

SMS, if Max truly doesn't mind and you would like to keep writing, I would be happy to keep posting for Reginald...unless we end up going this very night, we could probably figure something out where you would be able to jump in on this Eastridge trip as well after dealing with the guard...Braken hasn't really done anything wrong this time other than disturbing the peace, so when I had Reginald pick him up, it was more out of fear that the boy was dead and a desire to see him safely out of range of the brawl than through a desire to throw him in jail, etc.

And great idea Max, this will certainly get the story moving!

so max are u posing next, as Ullr is the one knowing how to get through

good post aurora, i am really eenjoying Kiara and morgana's relationship, this is fun writing it

Thanks Flint, I'm glad you joined us, maybe we can even convince a few more people to try in the future.  It's great to interact with all the different types of characters.

I am for you posting for Reg...if Max dont mind. Do you want me to post a dream to wake up sequence and about what time do you want the awakenning time ta be?

That would be great, you can pick whatever time you'd like to wake up, but personally I would say the earlier the better if you want to try to somehow get in on this Eastridge adventure.  If not, then it really doesn't matter.  Assume that Reg remained in the room with Braken and is asleep on the floor at the foot of the bed.  He didn't want to leave Braken alone in case the innkeeper came back angry, but he doesn't have any healing ability and didn't want to force Braken to pay for a healer, so all he can do is wait for him to wake up and hear the story.

maybe they persuade him to see the clerics in eastridge? in fact Quelyk could treat him and thn when Morgana sneaks a look she meets all three? This is just a rough idea discard at will

Ya I'm sure we will figure out something, I just meant that I was not going to write Reg calling a cleric into the scene (it was mentioned as a possibility at the end of the last one) because I wanted to leave the decision of whether or not to visit a healer up to Braken/SMS.  I'm always worried about forcing other people's characters to do things they wouldn't normally consider.

Yhea i know what you mean, i felt invasive when i healed Kiara's leg as i didn,t know wether you would write her resisting treatment

I said it in the past, Reginald is an NPC character.  Everyone is free to develop him however you see and please

left it open for Braken to continue his scene...

just a wee quick funny post

Thankful the boy was asleep, she carefully - without Kiara noticing, she hoped - tipped her uneaten portion of rat out the window

Haha cute- maybe we'll do something quick if you're interested about Morgana and Kiara having to work together to find food, Kiara has no money and her last attempt at thievery ended pretty poorly.

early morning, and braken is definately gonna see if he can get a clinic appointment with eastridge. Though if we meet Quek would we not be tainting the beta? For right now with no interaction with the other characters in the beta either one could be shucked and keep the timeline of the other. Say if the beta didnt want to keep their previous work, our time line aint effected save for the fact we would have to change our stories too just arriving too early...or if beta wanted to keep their time lines and we wanted to start a-new...then we just show up on day one.........I think that before we "meet" any beta character we should clear it with JlY and KL.

good point, i assumed maxwell was writing it seperate from the beta i.e it wasnt going to be n his beta writing.

Aurora sounds fun if you want to get it quickly then start with Kiara and Morgana searching food you can make a back story explining how they got there if you want

SMS good post, aww brakens got a crush ^-^

a little bit of one, but Aurora is the first female that wasnt paid to show any kind of tolerance towards his appearence and at first she was nice to him.

That is my intention, Flint.  Quelyk will be a minor character for the purposes of this so that I don't have to worry about continuity with the Beta.  There is a particular passage in the beta that suggests a passage of time.  For the purposes of this, I'm going to assume that whatever meeting the lot of us have with Quelyk will occur during that lapse of time.

But I should stress the point that Quelyk will play a very minor role in this as I don't want his character to change overly much for the purposes of Beta.

haha, Braken and Kiara sittin' in a tree........

so then will you tret bracken then my chracter meets both of youse when she's spying, remeber she hasnt met or heard of bracken yet 9well once but it was dark and she saw him from afar)

Is this period of tme during the placement for the warrirors? If so he would be treated by a second year....if its not during the placements then the problems of warriors needing healing....perhaps braken is turned away and Morgana Kiara and Ullr happen upon him as he is walking a way?

Unless bracken goes late at night and Quelyk there for, i dont know punishment, extra duties?

Doesnt fit Braken's personality...if he waits til late at night it is interferring with other goals he has.

He just had a dream about Kiara... I can think of one goal he might be having right now

LOL

Behave...*wishes almost he hadnt done that scene the way he did*

Haha don't worry Kiara would beat the crap out of him if he tried.  I'll have a scene with Reg for SMS and a Kiara scene for Flint up by the end of the day.

For your scene, Aurora/Flint - Ullr will have disappeared before you wake up the next morning (maybe the home owners can come back and wake you both up rudely?)  This way, Ullr will be absent for the day.  His preparations are mysterious!

Ooooooooooo!

Besides forget a tree, ol dude would use the crows nest....much more private. Good morning Aurora!

He'll rejoin you at the Eastridge gates in the evening.

Sounds perfect, Morgana and Kiara will get some quality time together, I'm sure that will go over well.

Poor Braken by the time he gets with them, Kiara is gonna be mad enough to spit nails and eat leather.....oh well there is a reason I gave Braken an 18 in fort...not this one, but it works!

I'm just curious guys...What is the timeline you guys are using for your Post Phase Two? Before Book 2, During Book 2, After Book 2 or something else. I was under the understanding that post-beta acceptees would have their stories going on during Book 2...

I understood it to be before or during book 1. I could be wrong though.

post up, yes looks like Kiara and Morgana will be braiding each others hair by the end of this. Well maybe just pulling each others hair,

"Thank you Kiara you so kind" Morgana said, her voice ice cold. She had heard the muttered thanks and felt a brief hope only to have it crushed by the silly girl flailing her arms as though Morgana was the rat she ate last night, (well they did anyway.)

Walking past the warrior she threw the door open, cursing as it slammed against the wall. MORGANA! Can you perform the simplest tasks without making a complete fool of yourself? Morgana heard her fathers voice lecture vividly in her mind. Looking at Kiara and seeing her contemptuous look she felt a nerve scrape. "Run!" she hissed.

Thanks aurora

So whos posting next? me nd aurora can posyt next keep our currnwet story goingstory up or SMS you can go, i expect you'll want to start  writing again?

@TLoHiroshi:  The beta is taking place during book 2, as first years.  So Averi/Rai/Wisteria/Fell are one year ahead of us.

So this post phase two, being right after everyone got their rejection letters, takes place at the same time, I would gather.

@Max: OK, but I thought there were 4 levels to the beta test. There were 1) Those who were accepted to the beta, 2) Those who were accepted but not apart of the beta, 3) Those who had to make changes to their character before it could be accepted, and 4) Those who were flat out rejected. My character was a #2 so I assume I have been accepted but have to wait until after the beta is done before I start my story. And that is the way I am writing him. Did I miss something?

On the beta forum it was mentioned that they MIGHT (stress on the might in case anyone missed that) be admitting new members to beta after week 15's prompt.  We are currently on week 9.

As per you conception, it was my impression (notice the stress there again) that they would be opening it up for anyone that wanted to give it a try.  However, the truth in that is yet to be seen.

I'm not sure if I was supposed to say all of that - but I've always had a problem with subtlety.

That being said, I have no idea how they plan to implement the new characters into the existing beta world and keep up with continuity, so don't ask.

For all intents and purposes, I suggest that all this writing on the IC: Post Phase Two be considered fan fiction for the time being.  You never know, perhaps you could have been attending Eastridge all along, but you are just being introduced as later characters (like Dove).  But who knows.  You could be introduced as the next year behind us (although I doubt this, since we're nowhere near completing this school year).

PS.  There's a lot of stress on those underlined areas.

I understand maxwell, in other words dont get our hopes up and you dont speak for JLY and KL, your just saying

heres my post, Morgna is just too nice

Morgana drew a breath in deeply; despite being no stranger to physical hardship that girl was fast. She felt a brief guilt when she heard the girl’s words, Kiara had no skills that would earn her money straight away and she doubted Kiara's charm would get her far, so there would be only one way she would get money. Stealing.

Having figured out Kiara's method she was at lost how to get her money, she could heal yet she was loath to charge for it. She could try her hand at her own thieving skills yet she doubted she would have success and she disagreed with the concept anyway.

She sighed guess she was going to go hungry . . . again.

@Max: Understood. But I would like to post part of the email I got from JLY & KL in regards to my status:

"...While we are unfortunately unable to offer you a place in the beta
test, your character has been wait-listed for Eastridge Academy:
School for Adventurers.

What this means is that your character has been accepted to the
school, but not as part of the beta test. Your character can join in
once the program moves out of the beta stage. While we are not yet
sure when that will be, we will let you know as the beta progresses...

...Hopefully, if all goes well with the beta test, we'll soon be able to open our doors
to the wait-listed applicants."

This leads me to believe that I have been accepted, but have to wait until beta is finished. I am and will not entertain any thought of bothering JLY or KL on this or anything else beta at the present time. I have the upmost confidence that they will let me know when the time comes.

I asked about the timeline for the Post-Phase two writing because I was thinkingabout trying to join the story. But if this story is going on during Book 2, then my character will most likely be in Eastridge and unable to participate except in maybe some sort of "guest star" role. Now if you somehow got into Eastridge, well then the possibilities go up...

I like to think of this story as a platform for improving players' writing skills prior to entering Beta... as well as good role playing fun.  Why not make a new character and join us?

SMS hope that was ok, I thought you might need a way in.  Ill do my best but I might not be around as much for the next day or two.

@Max: Hmmm...I never thought about making a new character. I was hoping to focus on just one as this is new to me and I didn't want to try and juggle 2 characters in two semi-different venues. But you know...I'm thinking...I'm thinking...I'm thinking...might just have something. Cleric/Mage. He's going to be a year or two older than everyone else but is looking for a way into Eastridge. I still need to work on a few things about it but I might have something.

Ullr is my Eastridge character's NPC.  You could create a character that your Eastridge character might associate with outside the school walls.

TloHiroshi - this isnt official, this is motr like fanfiction you dint need to include in your writing after the beta is finished.

Ya like unless they specifically say its ok later im assuming we wont know one another at eastridge, this is just for fun.

true enough...and aurora that was awesome....feel free to try and steal from Braken when he is in the market place...though his money hangs just below his vest's neck line in a pouch sewn into the vest.

then i best stay away from Kiara then idf she stealing from you, if Morgana is meeting you in the clerics bit i think it would be interesting if she met you first (not knowing who you are) then Kiara and Ullr walk in

How about she bumps into him...he is in clear need of help, and she might even get a meal out of it

and we both are in the market?

We really dont need a reason to Go to eastridge and look around....we could go there as long as we stayed out of the way....now what ullr and kiara might have planned after we walk in, that could be hairy.

Okay I'll do the market scene with you

Braken is about 5 foot and really slight...long brown hair braided down the left side of his face....no left ear ( no hole either, tattoo where the ear should be.....looks like something akin to a shipwreck survivor right now...almond shaped brown eyes....tanned skin. wearing all leather, pants that go to ankle, a vest with a pocket sewn over his heart thats big enough for a tin whisle, and a long duster style coat.

I just had surgery and am still in the hospital so id how much ill be around in the next day or two

thats okay Aurora, this thread with bracken and morgana should fill some time, get well soon

Damn.  Hope it wasn't anything serious.  Get well soon, Aurora!

SMS heres my post this alright? Morgana's description is  few posts up, i am updating it after this. hmm posts to far up, here ; Morgana is tall about 5ft 9 she has red hair and blue eyes, she is slim through years of hard work and is lightly freckled. She often wears white dresses made of rough linen cloth ususally with sleeves cut at elbows to prevent sleeves getting in the way of surgey or treating patients. She has a probe rune on her right arm and wears a single piece of jewelerry a silver pendant, used to be her mothers. Her hair is tied in a pony tail and otherwise falles  bit below her shoulders.

Hmm . . . what now? That was the question Morgana was left with. She sighed and looking about sat on a nearby barrel, grimacing as she felt the sharp cold from the surface water. Looking around she enjoyed the atmosphere from the market, the sounds of the buyers boasting their wares, the myriad of aromas that surrounded the stalls band the mob of people that milled around their daily chores.

Something nagged at her mind, looking around she wondered what. Suddenly she noticed something; a boy was walking . . . no limping towards a nearby alley. Surprised she wondered what to do, she almost laughed to her it was no question. Jumping off the barrel she quickly made her way down to the alley, looking around she found the boy leaning against a nearby alcove.

Or rather young man Morgana thought, despite being far shorter than her and nearly lighter he did have the characteristics of someone older, he was more muscular and filled than a child. "Twice in one week I'm helping strangers . . . let's hope this one's more grateful." Morgana mused.

"Hello? My names Morgana I'm a healer those look like pretty nasty wounds, I’m not here to ask questions just . . . help?"

I trust they are treating you as you deserve., all you can eat ice cream...swedish massages....premium movie channels so you can scoff at what us mortals must use as entertainment during this age. ((all kiddin aside, rest well and heal better Aurora))

im in school the now, my last post with morganas encounter with bracken didnt show uop in THIS thread going to create new account see if that helps

hers my new name and previous post

SMS heres my post this alright? Morgana's description is  few posts up, i am updating it after this. hmm posts to far up, here ; Morgana is tall about 5ft 9 she has red hair and blue eyes, she is slim through years of hard work and is lightly freckled. She often wears white dresses made of rough linen cloth ususally with sleeves cut at elbows to prevent sleeves getting in the way of surgey or treating patients. She has a probe rune on her right arm and wears a single piece of jewelerry a silver pendant, used to be her mothers. Her hair is tied in a pony tail and otherwise falles  bit below her shoulders.

Hmm . . . what now? That was the question Morgana was left with. She sighed and looking about sat on a nearby barrel, grimacing as she felt the sharp cold from the surface water. Looking around she enjoyed the atmosphere from the market, the sounds of the buyers boasting their wares, the myriad of aromas that surrounded the stalls band the mob of people that milled around their daily chores.

Something nagged at her mind, looking around she wondered what. Suddenly she noticed something; a boy was walking . . . no limping towards a nearby alley. Surprised she wondered what to do, she almost laughed to her it was no question. Jumping off the barrel she quickly made her way down to the alley, looking around she found the boy leaning against a nearby alcove.

Or rather young man Morgana thought, despite being far shorter than her and nearly lighter he did have the characteristics of someone older, he was more muscular and filled than a child. "Twice in one week I'm helping strangers . . . let's hope this one's more grateful." Morgana mused.

"Hello? My names Morgana I'm a healer those look like pretty nasty wounds, I’m not here to ask questions just . . . help?"

Thanks, luckily I'm in Boston and the hospitals here are awesome so they're taking good care of me.

to hear it Aurora, hope you feel better soon

did anyone see my last posts, its really annoying me   this tangler issue

I got your last two posts in this thread

Make sure they serve you some of their famous Creme Pies...if they dont, you can bill them for false advertisement