I have a theory. I have been speaking my mind this week, saying no to things I don't want to do etc...  That is, I have been doing what I want and thinking less about what others may want me to do. The result? I'm more relaxed, happy, and (probably) perceived as more genuine...

We are conditioned to 'lie' a little if the social situation demands it. I reckon that's where lots of social dilemmas come from. It makes it hard to be true to yourself and others. A fine line between being polite and compromising yourself,....

Yeah, fine line, I agree, but if you tow the honesty line, people who get to know you will appreciate it. The rest don't matter

i think in the rlong run, the more you lie, the more you end up doing what other want rather than what you truly want to do!

I think more than the lying we are conditioned to care what people think of us ALL THE TIME. The notion that for people to like us - we have to say 'Yes' to them. It's taboo to say "NO".

So what happens as a result is we spend less time listening to our wants cause we are so busy trying to please people. So people get used to us saying "yes" all the time. When we first start taking stock of what we want and no longer compromise ourselves - we think that when we say 'NO' to others, they will start liking us less. 

Am i sounding like Oprah yet? 

you go girl!! 

LOL

Aman! Aman! Aman!

That all makes sense. And then when I start saying no I think they will notice and be offended - because they are used to me saying yes...

Just start small - before you know it, you'll be saying no to everything, and turning anti-social - like moi

I have to say though - weeks in to my no self and it is all good. I still socialise as much but only when I want to and with who I want.

I have been late getting stuff to people for b'days etc... (almost all of them have to be remembered and something posted to some faraway place) but I have been getting it to them eventually and that counts too. (I did have a call from a 'concerned relative' wondering if I had forgotten another relatives b'day but I rose above the annoyance the remark generated and politely said that something was already on its way...!)

Good on ya Kasta!

Tangler therapy is obviously working!

kasta, that was my new years resolution this year... Not to "Not lie as much" ...but.... "Not to take any shit from anyone"....

I am an easy going guy... this year I just decided to not be as easy going... i.e. say 'no' more...

I was so tired of being used & disrespected... people miss-took my kindness for weakness...

I never made a resolution, but I've been doing the same thing too....

Mainly feeling unappreciated for doing all the things I didn't wanna do in the first place. So it's good bye from me, and goodbye from my niceness

Mainly feeling unappreciated for doing all the things I didn't wanna do in the first place
Exactly!!!! :o

Sometimes it ain't much fun being nice eh?

Nice is SSSOOO overated!

the thing I feel bad about is.... I should be nice and not care if it's appreciated or not.... I should be nice for my own ends... and not to be appreciated by someone else....

but I don;t think that happens outside of Christmas movies and Halmark Card World.

I understand what you mean Mitch, but the problem is not that you are not being appreciated. The problem I find is that the nicer you are, the more people expect from you, and the more you have to give. And personally, when I'm in need of help, I can't find any, so it just got to a stage where I got sick of wasting all my time and energy

It's about being honest with other people as well as yourself I think.

And I also find that I am bad at accepting offers of help. That is something I have also been improving. Last week I had that flu thing and had a day of blacking out. Phil was away so I enlisted the help of a few of my neighbours and was able to sleep the worst of it off...

What used to piss me off before was the only word that people would ever use to describe me was that - I was Nice.

Only one word that i heard multiple times over many years. Never heard any other word. Quite honestly  I didn't even know what that means - and no one could explain to me what that meant.

The reason i hated that word was cause I heard it so much and made me seem one dimensional!!!

Over time - i began to associate NICE to mean can be taken for granted.

aman, you're nice....

I'm not nice, and would be horrified to be characterised in that way! 

@ Dek ---- Explain to me what that means.

If you can't then sssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh... 

I am familiar with the unpopularity of the word 'nice'. I, however, like it a lot and use it often. Whether to describe an event, an object, or a person. If I associate something or someone with a feeling of wellbeing or contentment I describe it or them as 'nice'.

hehehehe I was trying to piss you off aman

I don't think you're nice.... I think you're mean and terrible and grumpy and horrible

Happy?

hehehe

You left out 'difficult', 'intimidating' and 'annoying'!

Eggactly!

aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww

you guys!!!       *Blushing*

thanks! 

WAHAHAHAHAHA

Psycho

Crazed lunatic!

hehehe

finally you recognise the real me!!!

aman ...

Nice is a biscuit that would ordinarily be bland if not for the sugar on top.

However it may have been Nice of me not to let you know that.

I like Nice biccies!

(One of the few that I like)

I was with a bunch of colleagues years ago on a course in Warwickshire in the UK. There was a girl I really liked. I used to send her some of these Nice biscuits across the room on which I had written additional messages around the word Nice.

[No questions on how this was received nor how I did on the course].

My question is this - how did you inscribe the messages on the biscuits?

That's a skill that might come in handy someday....

I hope it was with a non-toxic marker - you may have killed her Alex....

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Maybe that why he said 'no questions'....

Me thinks you're on the right track Kasta!

Hehehehe - Alex is becoming this big mystery.............n scary!!!

poor girl she never saw it coming

10/10 for orginality thats for sure