A friend had a dinner party/BBQ the other night. Three other couples came and didn't bring anything. My friend expected them to bring a bottle of wine or something similar. She was quite put out.

If I am invited anywhere for a meal I always take at least one bottle of wine and sometimes I'll grab a bunch of flowers or some small gift.

What about you? Did the guests ensure they will never be invited back or were they well within acceptable social boundaries? 

I always bring something, usually wine.  If it's in California, I always try to bring a nice Australian wine, one of the less well-known ones so my mates can try something different.  I'd never show up empty handed.  Just isn't done, and I'd not invite back those who showed up without an offering.

The only exception is when I'm going to a labour-party, like "Let's help Mike move and load all his stuff into my ute."  That's different, and I show up without anything, expecting beer and a feed when we're done.

I tend to show up with stuff.... usually I call ahead and ask what they'd like me to bring.

Unless its a really good friend, and when he/she says I don't need to bring anything, then I don't. 

I always bring (at the very least) a six pack of premiun lager. (unless told otherwise)

I was amazed that three separate groups arrived with nothing. I have had it happen to me only once and that was by one couple.

Oh wait.... you mean NONE of them brought anything??

Time for your friend to find new friends! 

Did your friend at any time say 'no need to bring anything'?

Actually, come to think of it, I have a few friends who just show up without bringing anything.... We're good friends, and I know what they're like, so it's a non-issue between us I guess. They tend to 'make up' by paying for coffee etc

Did your friend at any time say 'no need to bring anything'?

Yeah. I don't know. I wondered if she did say that and they took it literally. Sometimes when people say "just bring yourselves" I take that to mean "no food but feel free to bring booze"!

Maybe they took it literally. Maybe we should be careful and only say what we really mean. I shall ask her when I see her. 

Yeah, that could be one explanation

I'll always bring something, I like to return the favour for the invitation.

But yeah, sucks that they didn't bring at all. From past experience I've realised that a lot of people will take the smallest excuse not to bring something 

I think it's important to show appreciation - even if it's in a small way....

What I can't stand is having to show your appreciation over and over again...

kills me 

So, if I invite you to a BBQ, you'll bring something, but if you come over again, you'll come empty handed?  If so, please bring a 1 Ltr bottle of Jack Daniels, as it will last a lot longer than wine.....

hahaha no no.... what I meant was people who fish for compliments for every single thing - this dish, that flower arrangment, the couch, the table cloth the plates etc.

Like just saying the dinner was yummy isn't enough to people like these. They keep pointing things out, and you  have to constantly reply with a compliment.

Makes me feel like my appreciation is forced and false, altho its what they need to feel like the event was a success. I find it selfish 

I just belch loudly after dinner and that says it all.  Can't have a better compliment than that.

hahaha no no.... what I meant was people who fish for compliments for
every single thing - this dish, that flower arrangment, the couch, the
table cloth the plates etc.

The flower arrangement? The tablecloth? Gosh that sounds posh! I find it's the people who measure their life by the depth of things they have. Things are a bit empty. Maybe that's why they have to fish for compliments constantly - it's all about instant gratification but the effects don't last.... So they have to ask again and again and again...

I get your angle :

Have you seen our new painting?

How are you ment to say something other than "I loved it"?

 But that's usually people who aren't secure....

nah, it's not posh Kasta.... I wouldn't go for something like that

For some people is it about their insecurities.... for others, it's a need to be the centre of attention. So that even if there is a conversation going on, they'll just interrupt it and talk abt the dish. Which frankly I've never been able to comprehend honestly

More wine anyone?

grapy

well i think there are a couple of issues here...

if a mate helps me move, i bring him dinner/grub after the move

if i am invited to a house party - then wine/flowers are a definite

im im invited with "oh just bring yourself/an empty stomach", if they have kids i take chocklates, otherwise some wine...

so bottom line - rocking up empty handed is only allowed if you are really close friends and as Dekrazee said you "make up" or if you are inviting them the next time and its ok for them to not bring anything... 

I agree.

Its just not english,  says Tim

Tim says,  er...

Oll,  says the  same

Tim? Go Tim!

I try to bring something but I must say that sometimes I've forgotten.

Lazy! 

Its well past 6.00 O'clclock here and Tim is rather tired

Wine is always good though. You can never have enough.

 What about this question though? If you come to a party and want to drink wine, should you bring two bottles? One for the host and one to drink? 

And, if you are the host and someone brings wine and people don't drink it, are they allowed to take it home? I say they can't take it unless it is offered to them.  

There's no question of taking anything home with you. 

Olly says what about the keys?

Keys? Car keys? I think you should leave them with the host and they decide if you are right to drive....

its like that episode of seinfeld, when the costanzas go to the rosses and frank costanza brings back the loaf of bread he had brought to the party!

What about not taking it home, but eating it there?

I always feel funny when I bring a dish to someone's house (for pot luck etc) and I eat it.... I'm not sure if it's rude. Does it mean that I'm rejecting what others have brought? 

Not at all It just shows that it's safe to eat. 

hahaha

*eats a spoonful*

Look, I'm alive! 

Yeah, well you take something that you like, so it's not surprising that you want to eat it, is it?? 

heh heh yeah...

I like to leave whatever I have bought behind. I tend to take more wine than I will drink - a nice thankyou for the hosts.

But last week some friends insisted I take home what was left - we took two and the party only drank one - I felt weird taking it but they insisted. In that case it's acceptable. 

I think it would be hard not to eat what you have taken to pot luck. The odds are it would be one of your favourite dishes so would be v hard to resist.

It might be polite though to try some others! 

I tell you what I hate tho....

I really dislike people offloading what they don't want/like on me.

I really don't mind taking left overs - but some people do it like they're getting rid of something they'd rather not have in their house.

It basically comes down to the difference bet sharing and discarding 

My in laws are like that.  When we go to their house they foist the leftovers on us.  If it's a big dinner we get leftovers for the next week.  You can'r possibly eat turkey everyday for a week.  My cats are the principal beneficiaries of the leftovers. 

When we lived in Perth my parents used to do that too - they saw it as a way of helping us out. We had no money so it was their way of making sure we were OK. Having said that though we were OK but I guess if I look back on that period we did look like we were struggling. It used to get ridiculous though. I'd invite them over for a birthday dinner (theirs) - wanting to spoil them in return and they would bring a TON of food for the freezer. Half a cow, third of a sheep, casseroles, bread rolls, everything. They never understood why it offended me.

My mom did that with household items,  and gave us a huge package of toilet rolls once, as if we were too poor to buy them ourselves.

hahahaha

Mothers will always do that I suppose....

When I came here, everytime mine came to visit, she'd bring a bunch of household items with her... things like pots and pans

It got to a stage where we had more stuff in our kitchen here than in Singapore, and I had to start bringing stuff all the way back cos we just didn't have room left! 

I do that with my two homes, and always am bringing household stuff back and forth.  Customs in Sydney has a good laugh xraying my bags. There was a big sale at a housewares place here in California, and had that damp-rid stuff on sale for a really cheap price.  I use that all the time in my closets and pantry in Sydney, and it's not as cheap at it was here, so I bought a bunch and put in in my suitcase.  The customs guy though it was weird, but let me through without any hassle.

Coming to California yesterday, I brought a carton of VB cans, 4 packs of bathroom garbage bags (we don't get the small Glad bags here), two dishwasher de-odorisers (not sold here) and two bottles of Bundys from the duty free.  Going back I'll have a 600GB server I'm building for extra storage, and some more computer stuff. 

hahahahaha

I so understand that... 

That's funny. Aren't we humans a practical bunch?!

If you've ever had your bag misplaced by an airline, you've probably wondered, where does lost luggage go?

If it truly is lost and not merely misrouted, delayed or mistakenly
carried off by a fellow traveler, chances are it will end its journey
at the Unclaimed Baggage Center, a superstore full of one-of-a-kind bargains nestled in the picturesque Appalachian foothills community of Scottsboro, Ala.

In this sleepy town of 15,000, it's hard to miss UBC. At 40,000 square
feet, the land of lost luggage covers a full city block with a
jaw-dropping assortment of designer clothes, cameras, electronics,
jewelry, sporting goods, luggage and what-were-they-thinking oddities.

Oh yeah, I remember seeing a doco abt that once..... I couldn't believe it!

"When you come in, you don't just pick up a suitcase and purchase it
and carry it home, contents and all," Cantrell explains. "We unpack
these bags and sort through them. We throw about a third away, we
donate about a third to charity and the remainder we launder and dry
clean in our own facilities and stock them to our retail store every
day."

That can make for some surprising finds. Over the years, UBC
has unpacked a full suit of armor, a guidance system for an F-16
fighter, a 3,500-year-old Egyptian artifact, a camera for the space
shuttle, a fully packed parachute (shouldn't that have been a
carry-on?) and a live rattlesnake. The company returned the top
security items to the government.

From Third Age

Have you noticed this group always says "No Recent Activity"? I wonder why... It said it just now when I came back...

That's me!  I also brought in two cans of Heinz Low Salt Baked Beans (love my beans on toast!) and two jars of Nandos Morroccan Curry cooking sauce.  Since I don't really have to bring a lot of clothes, and no toiletries, and get a 3PC luggage alottment, I try to fill up with stuff that I can't get or is far cheaper in the other place.  Last trip I brought down a BBQ burner for my Aussie BBQ.  Seems you can't buy a proper replacement at BBQ's galore as they changed the design slightly and the dimensions are all off.  Orchard Supply Hardware in California, had a universal fit burner that matched the dimensions I needed.  So, for $ 33US I kept my BBQ alive, and out of the landfil for now.

Kasta - the recent activity list on the home page will only show topics which you haven't posted in which have had activity in them. 

Erik - when I come back from Sing, I have heaps of foodstuff... lets not even go there

When i go to Sing, the 'staples' that I have with me are - milk, Milo, cereal (for bro), Olive oil, baby potatoes, baby carrots. If its summer, then add boxes of cherries and mango to the list

No mango there?

I used to take our Mossie repellant things to Amsterdam where they have many products but none work. A surprising number of killer mossies there too!

Thanks for my edumucation about Tangler stuff Dek. 

Erik, when you come back from your current trip can you bring me 2 or 3 litres of BBQ lighter fuel? It's illegal in Oz and I have one of those aluminium cylindrical vessels into which you place your charcooal, pour fuel on top and in about 10 minutes you have flaming fuel which you can pour onto the Webber. It accelerates the getting going process heaps. Having been given the vessel in the US 6 or so years ago it has remained unused in the garage. Several litres of BBQ fuel in one of your cases would really do the trick. Thanks Mate.

two jars of Nandos Morroccan Curry cooking sauce..

LOVEE that!!!! omg...now i miss it. *sob* 

Sure, Alex.  After I get out of jail in about ten years you'll come visit me, right?  I also hate those heat-beads things as they really don't work, but I bought a gas BBQ (both Hornsby and California) and it is the most convenient way to BBQ.  Doesn't quite taste the same, but it is a lot faster if you BBQ after work like I do.  I'm adverse to eating dinner at midnight, and with the fire starters y'all have down there, it would take that long to get a decent fire going.

Charcoal or wood is the way to go for a good bbq

You're right, but it takes too long to get going.  Great for holidays or weekends, but too slow for after work.

Oh for the days when open fires were safe and permitted. I used to love the open campfire or the fire on the beach. A bit grubby after a day outdoors, marshmallows to toast or some damper to warm, stories and companionship... maybe music.

Honestly, I don't think it takes very long....

Open fires = the best!!

I'm a bit of a fire nut...  

I like fire, and using the starter fluid we have here I can start the BBQ in about 30 Minutes.  Using the rotten ol' fire starters y'all have in Oz, it takes easily twice as long, so add a 45Min cooking time to it, and it's too late to eat after work (for me, anyway).

I don't use fire-starters...

Mind you, I'm talking abt charcoal and wood here....

And yeah, it would take too long for the other stuff, esp after woork 

Erik, if you bring me the litres of lighter fuel when you return, promise I'll even visit you in jail AND also always bring gifts for your new best jail-friend.

You give some, you get some.... sounds fair

Seems reasonable to me. GO ERIK.

hehehe

We are slackers and have INSTANTANEOUS gas. We barby most nights...

I also have instantaneous gas, but under different circumstances....:P

on that empty-handed ness note... what about gifts and chipping in with others regarding gifts?

is there a minimum amount that must be met before chipping in should be (morally) disallowed? 

Nah....

It's the thought that counts 

yeah im not sure about that...    coz technially not giving a gift (chipping an amount of Zero, but supplimenting it with good will/thoughts) is same as not bring anything (tangible) right?

I don't really follow that argument...

well if we are talking about empty handed guests, i am just curious to know what is the policy on gifts ... ie chipping in with others for a gift and what average value should be a minimum (ie 10 ppl chipping in for a 100$ gift??)

I think any gesture is fine and would be welcomed. I don't think a $100 gift is necessary - just some wine or chocolate etc... that can be enjoyed by everyone there or later by the hosts if it's left over...

no i meant 10 people chipping in for a 100$ gift (so in reallity thats only 10$ / person!)... hey its all about maximizing one's profit margins eh:D

That's right. You don't get somethin' for nothin' these days!

Or, look at it this way - whereas I'd have gotten the person a crummy $10 gift, we all pool our resources and get the person a great gift from all of us...

Maximise output/happiness, spend the same

and hence the need for standards... the minimum should infact have been 25 bucks!!!

so this host should really have got 2 "good" gifts! 

My gift to some friends whom we're staying with at the beach this weekend is a 2.5 kg snapper just bought from the Sydney Fish Markets and a couple of bottles of fine white semillon. If you look after your tummy and your gullet everything else should be OK. No?

YES! 

Wow! Alex, I should invite you over sometime.  A dead fish as a gift!  Gee!

well...not just ANY dead fish....it's a 2.5kg snapper...PLUS he brings wine to wash it down...i'll invite alex anytime!

He is definitely on the invite list!

Phil is at the Fish Markets today doing the seafood BBQ course with some friends. Can't wait for him to try out some of the recipes.

Woo Hoo 

Saturday 14 Seafood BBQ **CLASS FULL**
11.00am - 3.00pm Class Code: BBQ $135
Delight
your family and friends by whipping up a tasty seafood BBQ. By the end
of this lunch class you’ll be able to BBQ fish, shellfish and squid to
perfection.

Sydney Seafood School

I'd invite him if he offers to cook the fish too

ummmm..... BBQ seafood....

I'm not too far away... maybe I could drop by and Phil will throw some samples my way

There's s'thing troubling about Erik's fish photo. Is it diseased or just covered in a spot of charcoal? [Snapper was good btw].

It's dead...

Oh

There's s'thing troubling about Erik's fish photo. Is it diseased

Yes it is diseased, and deceased, looks like a bad case of Black Spot. (probably caught it from the roses)

Just cook it longer and you'll be right.

HAHAHAHA

Nothing that a little carbon, and a generous dollop of hot salsa won't fix.  You could eat nuclear waste with enough Jalapeno sauce.

I thought Erik's fish was already cooked that's why i looked like that!!!

Cajun Style.  Blackened Fish.

FYI - Phil enjoyed the course and we have already had Thai-style squid at home - even with the scoring marks in the flesh - just like a restaurant!

I am thinking about doing a course too. They have one which involves a shopping trip to Chinatown to buy ingredients followed by a solid session of cooking. How good does that sound?! 

Just think of all the food at the end....

*drool* 

There's a great asian mart in Hornsby mall by liquor land, Coles side.  We buy a lot of our fish sauce and other cooking ingredients there.  My wife makes an asian style salmon with baby bok-choy.  It's great, but makes a mess on our stove so I usually try to cook it outside on the bbq. Chinatown has some great little markets for stuff like this, and the fresh veg market at Paddys is good, too.

I miss fresh food markets....

Great atmosphere. The smell. The bustle. They make food fun I reckon.

And the freshness and price are usually unbeatable 

Yeah and every time go I think "I should do this more often"!

In Singapore, it's the only place we shop for fresh food.... I'm always amazed at how much we can buy for how little

In the states, the fruit and veg is awful in the supermarkets.  Veg is tasteless and waxy, fruit isn't too bad if just freshly picked but the stuff that's imported (sometimes from Chile in Northern Winter) isn't worth buying.  I miss my fruit and veg "freshco" in Hornsby mall.

Another plug for Hornsby! Go Erik!

Erik come home

Rather have ET. He'll eat anything.

hahahahahaha

Really? 

You mean Erik would not?

Yeah. Come home. It's raining. But not where they need it. And it's cold!

I have decided that I prefer the 'cold' anyway. Much more civilised than drippiing with sweat everytime you lift a finger to do anything.

We didn't have a proper summer, so I'm not ready for winter yet

Oh we did. Bring on the ice, hail and days of rain! I enjoy being able to kit out in boots, scarves and maybe a hat or two (but not at the same time!)

Hey Dek. It's still warm at Magnetic Island. Only a 3-hour flight... Just an idea...

i wanna be warm in sydney

Come to San Francisco.  Was 15 yesterday and this is mid-Spring.  Ugh.  Should warm up tomorrow for Cinco de Mayo.  Making Baja Fish tacos for my mates tomorrow, and need warm weather to get in the Tequilla drinking mood.

was 27 yesterday (I think) and looks abt the same today. Perfect day to go to the Hunter Valley!

*hic* 

That sounds like fun!  Supposed to be much warmer tomorrow, 24, with 30 on Monday.  The joys of the bay area.  Winter to Summer and back again in 5 days.  Seems just like Melbourne.

hahahahaha yeah!

Ok, it's time to stop Tangling and start driving!

Adios! 

Grab a few bottles of Lindeman's sparkling shiraz for me.

I'll most definately try.... seeing that it's already 12 and we're still here

D'oh! 

Did you go? The Petersons, Petershams??? Can't remember but something like that - sparkling shiraz is yum.

hehehe well, we got there at 3 pm, had lunch/brunch and then got to two wineries.

One was Mcguigans.... got a pinot noir and 3 bottles of a lovely dry merlot. Its pretty close to my idea of an ideal wine

We then went to Tamburlaine, and I managed to get my hands on my fav white - 1999 Verdelho for $10 a bottle.... seems that it is last of the batch, so I'm gonna be enjoying those!

Also got two Syrahs (that's what they call the shiraz) from there.

They call Shiraz Syrah here in California as well.  Stag's Leap is pretty good.

It's just a bit weird.... drinking something that sounds like a female you know?

Petersons: very fine:

$10 a bottle? That's a win Dek... when's the part-ee?

hehehe yeah.... I have enough wine to last me 2 yrs now! (Ok, maybe a year)

I didn't want that much, but to buy per bottle would have cost $20/bottle....

I'll help you drink it, Dek.  When's the party?

We're having one tonite!

Lucky you! I am in a hazy valley of Home Selling Parties out herein Hornsby! Take pity!

No. They are OK. It's an excuse to catch up with people and have adrink or three...

What's a Home Selling Party?

A party where you sell your home? Bit like Tupperware but you gofurther and offload yourself of all your wordly possessions on awhim?

I thought that was a garage sale

Hey, I want a 3BR 2BA 2 Carspace place in Hornsby area.  Getone for me and I'll pay you later for it.  Near the trainline,please.

I sure hope that is directed at Kasta...
hehehe

She was the one going to the 'home selling party'.  I was justputting my order in.

hehehe 'take away' homes

Not my home or anyone else's! Yes. Like Tupperware.

Last night I went to a pottery party and this morning it was beaded jewellery. When I first moved here I was invited to about 12 tupperware parties. I found it a bit of a cultural shock! Now, thankfully, Tupperware and Enyo cleaning products seem to have lost popularity.

The two parties I have been to this week are actually friends who have started their own businesses so I quite like that aspect of it and supporting them. They go to Bali, buy nice pottery and import it. The beaded stuff is all very nice and made by a mate.

 It's a bit insane though. In the past month I have also been to a clothes one and another jewellery one, as well as a cosmetics one. So. Be warned! It's a home selling jungle out there!

hahahaha

Good idea..... tho I doubt I'd go if I were invited to one. Esp by a friend. I'd feel obliged to buy stuff I didn't particularly want

Yes. There is a vague suggestion that these things are obligation free but it is impossible to leave without buying something.I am learning the fine art of buying Xmas presents in advance - then at least I feel like I need the purchased object for SOMETHING!

At least its useful in that way

Any computer surplus parties?  I need more storage.  Only have 3 TB.

Holy crap!

Uncle Erik just loves his storage.

The 3TB is just here.  In Hornsby I have 2TB.  Everybody needs storage.  It's cheap.

This calls for another - HOLY CRAP!

what's TB?? sorry i am highly untech-savvy. i am assuming this is much higher that what GB is? *scratching head*

tera bytes

1000 GB.  Ain't much, really.  Fills up fast.

I have something to share...

Last night I had my last obligatory/home selling party. I have vowed to always say "No thanks" when asked if I would like to host a party. This is going to take some will, conviction and savvy but I WILL SUCCEED and still remain a valued part of my community here!

Wish me luck.

BTW - I had a very nice time with some of the mums from school and it was a laugh. I also drank too much (as usual), smoked two cigarettes (not as usual so could this be the slippery slope back in to addiction?) and ate a good deal of the cakes I made (also not as usual as I am currently on Weight Watchers). But a good night nevertheless.

What do you mean by a Home selling party. Like tupperware?

That's great.  What did you sell?

Why do yo have to host the party? Doesn't the person selling do it?

What do you mean by a Home selling party. Like tupperware?

Exactly like that! 

That's great.  What did you sell?

Not a lot of stuff but what they call... pampering products - foot and hand scrub and moisturiser and a facelift system which is meant to be their cash cow. They all came over and gave themselves foot and hand treatments. I had to wear the facelift mask as did a few others there and that was quite funny because you have 20 minutes of looking completely ridiculous and cannot speak (if the mask cracks it does not work as well)

Skeptical? I am and  was but it's funny because I woke up this morning and have to concede that it does indeed 'lift' your skin, reduces the appearance of wrinkles and adds definition to areas which are starting to sag (under cheeks, chin etc..) 

Why do yo have to host the party? Doesn't the person selling do it?

The consultant gives a speal and runs the party but someone else hosts the party. The idea is you do it because you want the products whether it's storage stuff, clothes, jewellery etc.. You get 5 to 10% of the takings on the night and discounts and specials or a freebie. 

I ended up with a freebie of something which I cannot divulge because of its personal nature. 

Cool.....

I'm wondering if the amt you get covers the cost of actually hosting the party 

Last night I probably broke even because I made most of the food and bought wine which was on sale.

When I had the pottery one I'm not so sure but that's because the retail on the products is so low - and with that one I actually liked the stuff so it was worth it. My gift was a granite buddha and an outdoor ceramic lantern. I purchased a mirror on the night though which was one of the most expensive products so in a way I funded my own freebies!

I think it's a Mugs' Game and would much rather just have people over without a selling motive. I think we are bombarded enough these days and don't really need to do it in my own home!

I always have  a bottle of wine on hand for spur of the moment invites to visit friends.  If I have time I will usually pop over to the grocer's and pick up some goodie for dessert.   My grandmother would have my hide if I were so rude as to show up at a gathering empty handed.  As she would say "That is just classless and lowbrow." LOL

Yeah. It's more fun to share things like sweets, wine etc...!

If someone brings a 6 pack of fosters over mine, they sit on the naughty step for one hour minimum, drinking it.

But most friends know I have standards when it comes to alcohol =) 

That would prompt me to bring Foster's over to your place all the time!

I also have standards for alocohol.   Strong and frequently!

Should I bring a gift to my parents every time I visit?

Or is the occasional bottle of wine enough? 

Wine, tequila, and beer!

My mother and Tequila is a bad idea.

But the chocolate is a great idea - but she won't share.

Mick, you're always welcome at my house!

Mick - you were here on Sunday. Did you leave the hamper at the front door?

I felt terrible that I did not have a lolly bag for you and Karen! I had some spares but so many siblings showed who I did not expect that I ran out. 

Back to your question Mick... Maybe contiunue to take something each time you go. What about flowers, biccies or chocolates? A potplant? I'd keep giving unless she tells you otherwise!

You'll have to save this advice up and tell Oliver when he is old enough to visit moi! 

I don't buy my mother gifts.... she always scolded us whenever we got her something, or criticised it, so we stopped

Only do it if it is welcome.

Exactly