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Wow. All the time I feel like I'm in weird conversations.
For example, what is your preferred choice of method for wiping your hard disk before the police can analyse it? Suggested answers: Keeping an electromagnet wired to your doorframe, Putting thermite and a lighter next to your hard drive, or putting a grenade inside your lappie so that when the power cord was pulled, the pin would be, too.
Another example: How would you piss off someone for doing shit to you? Suggested answers: put a clusterfuck bomb in his computer, dump glittery perfume in his hair/ shoes, etc.
Finally: Would you rather be fat or a teenage pregnant? A girl in my class brought up the point that it would be more likely for you to loose your fat after the pregnancy than if you were just plain lazy-fat.
And what do you do with the extra 2-pounds of life?
Well, yeah, I assumed that that might be important, too... but... uhm....
You've gotten me beat there...
Well.... one of our county schools has a day-care center for parents... Ugh, I'm so glad I'm not within 60km of it.
UGH! 'The chronicals of a dumbass' was filmed on my campus... check it out on YouTube if you wanna vomit...
What in the world is that? Doesn't sound very appealing
- The right to own a secondhand shadow.
- The right to using the ‘+’ sign.
- The right to speak Advanced English (you must now speak in only Basic English).
- The right to drink clear, viscous liquid while there is 69% relative humidity.
- The right to use non-colored tissues.
- The right to divide anything by e, ever.
- The right to 0x3A28213A.
- The right to pronounce the /r/ sound at the end of words.
- The right to “tap that”.
- The right to use memes involving Astérix.
- The right to Connecticut Avenue.
- The rights to not agree, close this window, or attempt to convince anyone that you’ve never read this. You have, and it’s too late. Also, you forfeit the right to ever forget about this or ‘The Game’, and hereby loose.
On the subject of EULAs, I've come up with quite a good one:
End License User Agreement
By reading this statement and inevitably pressing agree, you are hereby forfeiting all of the rights sated in this document:
All of the above is now void, just so long as you agree to not pirate this program. Have fun!
Or the STANDARD DISCLAIMER: (for best results, must be in 9pt font)
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.
This supersedes all previous notices.
HAHA! That is quite the accumulation of... everything!
http://bacontoday.com/turbaconducken-turducken-wrapped-in-bacon/
Wait, there's a website named 'Bacon Today'???
bacon wrapped turduken!!! why was i not aware of this godlyness
*is now subscribed to bacontoday.com - Daily Updates on the World of Sweet, Sweet Bacon.* 
Ooh, an article, Bacon Should Not Be Worshiped:
"...Today however, we take a decidedly partial stance in regard to the separation of church & bacon. ... One doesn’t have to trudge through religious texts and hymnals to reach baconirvana. One simply has to cook, eat, and enjoy."
I'm assuming that's Bacon + Turken + Duck + Chicken = Turbaconducken.
turkey stuffed with duck stuffed with chicken wrapped in bacon
That's awesomeness, pure and simple. Well, maybe not simple.
Youtube live, watch it, now!!!!
What's with the obsession with bacon?
It's MANLY!!!!
Heh...
Only if you kill it and slice it up yourself
Uhm, no, that would be grotesque.
And the turbaconducken isn't??
no thats heavenly
Exactly.
*puke*
Ooh! Puke! That's manly!
Yeeaaahhh. Go an' stuff that in a turducken...
Given that I like chicken, turkey and particularly LOVE duck, I'm guessing I'd like it...
Unless it doesn't extrapolate that way?
Just think of all the fats and oils...eww
I can deal with that
i wonder how long it will be before they can actually breed a Turbaconducken?
Hmm.... given that such a creature would effectively have to be a turkey with bacon for skin, and no internal organs, and that it would have to grow a duck inside itself which also has no internal organs and is growing a chicken (also with no internal organs) inside of itself and that the chicken would have to somehow produce stuffing inside it's empty body cavity... I'm going to go right ahead and say that it probably wouldn't be a viable form of life.
Unless we can find a way to make turkey organs mutate to look and taste exactly like a chicken inside a duck.
well...the chicken part could keep its organs, and when it reaches a certain age (ready to eat), they drop out....
ROFL@SK
Maybe start with a chicken, then fiddle with it's DNA so that it grows the external part of a duck (no excess organs) around itself... which I presume would entail including large parts of a duck's genome inside of a sub-tree of the chicken's new genome. Once you've got that method sorted, it should be a fairly easy to replicate the effect to make a duck grow the external parts of a turkey around itself, and then combine the 2 to make a chicken grow a duck that grows a turkey.
Feeding the chicken could be a problem, so in the preliminary stages you might need to breed in some whale, specifically the part that codes for a blowhole, but position it at the neck area of the duck and turkey so that you get a clear passage to feed the chicken through (this would need to later be removed and substituted for a more elegant solution since people won't like eating anything whale-based.
The only problem remaining is those pesky chicken organs, so maybe working back the other way you could breed a duck that grows a chicken inside itself, supported by the duck host and without any organs of it's own. You could then incorporate that into the duck genome that you added to the original strain of chickens so as to produce a chicken that grows a duck that grows a turkey, and then grows a second chicken (minus the organs) inside the duck. You could then kill the first chicken and remove it, leaving only the organless birds behind for eating purposes.
Having managed all of that, the bacon and stuffing should be fairly trivial additions to the genome.
Just add a piglet...
Oh.. what about the waste? Those birds have gotta poop somewhere...
Well, assuming that you wouldn't have any living thing inside of the turkey (if that was the only living thing) that was self-sufficient, it wouldn't produce waste.
Also, I think I can give SK the over-analytical award of the year. That combined with his natural ability to disregard sarcasm... well,...
Angua: Just remember: Failure is success rounded down.
Synthuir: That's good, I'll put that on my college application.
Sure to get some lolz, but... grr... me hatez maths!
I was hungry a moment ago.... until I came in here and read all that ^^
Heh. Looks like you're holding up an index card to your mouth to hold the vomit in.
yeah what is that?
(making it bigger does not help)
For once it suits my emotion
Maybe a ticket?
The filename has it as only listed under "Smiley Sealed", nothing else can be derived from the file itself.
I posted in a forum game on the xkcd fora entitled 'Post here and get banned'. It was fun. I'm banned for a week, but I don't really care as I'm going to be away.
On a somewhat related note, I'm getting a PS3 and I wish I wasn't...
Why's that?
Uhm... Well, I dunno. I don't like a lot of their games, the expensiveness of the accessories, etc., etc.
Yet someone convinced someone to get it, and then told me after the fact. >.<
Also, I think I can give SK the over-analytical award of the year. That combined with his natural ability to disregard sarcasm... well,...
I'll accept that award with pride. As for disregarding sarcasm, I just find it fun to take a sarcastically intended idea then run with it to its logical (or illogical) conclusion. Which is where the over-analysis comes in
i just think SK has got waay too much free time...
That too 
@Synth, yeah a few people are trying to buy me a car. I said what don't you get about me having no money??! And they're like well thats why we're going to buy one for you! And I think yeah ok but what about rego, insurance, on-road costs, and petrol?? Oh, you didn't think of that? Hmm....
heheeheh
Couple of years ago, Marty said he'd buy me a Ferrari (if something happened). I said I didn't want it
So we negotiated, and now he has to throw in a petrol card with the Ferrari
kekeke
Reminds me of something a friend said a few weeks back...
Watching the Holden ad on tv, they have advertised a 99c fuel cap (for up to 20,000km or 2 years, whichever comes first) with any new holden.
The ad ends and my friend turns to me and says "Does Holden make Ferrari's?"
hahahaha
Ohh, but hang on... They do!!!
http://www.drive.com.au/Editorial/ArticleDetail.aspx?ArticleID=11950
WAHAHAHAHA
That's such a thin connection....
Let's just say that if they added each other on FB, they wouldn't have any friends in common
Yeah yeah I just typed 'holden ferrari' into google ok, not my fault thats what came up
23600 results (G) for "toothpick on the garbage can"
What?!!
i only got 19200 results...i feel so inferior...
I dunno, I was going to compare it with what other people call them, but I had a headache and decided to stop there.
call what?? toothpicks on garbage cans?
recepticals, file 13, recycling bins, recycling cans, etc.
umm...still lost...sorry
kthxbai
Ohhh.... I get it now!!!!
uhm... is it like a 'doh' moment, or wut?
My signature features the most funny things when looked at it out of context, for example:
"You theoretically stepped through paper^-1, and called it paper. Maybe you can theoretically step through 1/2, but you've done nothing with paper."
and
"Google has solved my problem of urination."
AND neither of those quotes were by me!
*goes off to buy an automatic head scratching machine*
We were having an argument on the fora about how to step through a single piece of paper. We eventually got into theoretically stepping through paper, "Cut a hole in a cone-shaped piece of paper, then force the cone inside out. The entire universe just went through your paper," but it got boring. Somebody suggested that we raise paper to the power of 0 to make it 1, then raise that to the power of -1, making it imaginary. Then (in his logic, atleast) any and all principles can apply to it or not. We hung him, and thus where the quote comes from.
"Google has solved my problem of urination" is a quote from a presentation... he was trying to explain that he computes the 'nerd sniping' problem (from a Google test) on the tiles above urinals.
Fix'd.
Read the blogpost above, some interesting things still return 0 results on Google (atleast until it updated with the blogpost). "Eat Cat5" returns 242 000 results. Wow.
However, Eat 5 cats returns 31 800 000
...You really do have a small-animal-torture problem, don't you...?
Noooooooooooooooo...............
Lol, I guess I can laugh at it. Once my kitty leaves the room.
Ooh, joke came to mind.
Is it a dead baby joke?
Yeah, so I went and posted it. haha.
+1 to anybody who can identify the song at the end of the video.
"We're sorry, this video is no longer available"
it works for me dek..
and the song is far far away by Five Iron Frenzy
Still won't play
are your youtube settings set to 'worldwide'?
what the hell is a klondike bar and why would anyone go to any trouble to get on?
doesn't look too appetising....a touch messy to eat.
Yeah. If klondike bars were soooo cool, wouldn't they have them worldwide, like KitKat's?
also, if they were that good, wouldn't you eat it rather than carry it round on a stool all day?
HAHAAHHA niiice....
It wasn't his Klondike bar...
But no, they're actually quite good, and a popular meme here, apparently. The commercials would feature people doing insane things for Klondike bars, with the catchphrase, "What would you do for a Klondike bar?"
Ohhhhhh
I just snapped my RAZR in half...
What? How?
Not the MotoRAZER..
*Goes to look up what a Klondike bar is*
Oh.. it's chocolate covered ice cream.. ok, that would be a choc-ice in UK parlance (we keep our food names simple and to the point )
I'd head about the "what would you do" thing before, just didn't know what they were.
Ohh so sort of like a magnum without the stick...
ice cream.....even less reason to be carrying it round on a stool....
What happens to the poor stool? I mean, the guys and the girlfriend and the ice cream are all taken care of.. but why the stool?
Me dunno?
And yea, I was playing with my phone and snapped it clean in half. I was just starting to look for a new one for when my contract expired, too... But that's what insurances are for.
I've never actually had a Klondike bar, but yea, I guess it would be like a Magnum (Z0Mg! I luv them <3!). It's just a brand name, and, unlike 'Frisbee' and 'Band-Aid', we wouldn't go around calling every single thing like that a Klondike bar. Also, they sort of all but died out around 1990. JTLYK. 
That's cool, but there's no reason to use it unless you could reinforce it with something a bit more durable than Legos... and something that isn't designed to snap apart. I think I could also integrate a USB biometrics fingerprint scanner if I had the safe... Ohh, I also have a laser diode that I've been meaning to hook up to a flashlight:
...Which I could further use to protect it, with the addition of a modified Annoy -A- Tron.
Ohh, the posibilities are endless.
My camera won't work!!!
Oh noes!!!!
Yay! The RAZR has the speaker, displays and camera on the top half of the device. It has all vitals, battery, charging port, basically everything (minus volume controls...) on the bottom. To signal something, we had someone call me. Awhile later I was thinking "Why could we hear the ringtone when the speaker is on the top?" Then, it came to me. I could use speakerphone and therefore hear everyone! It just has no display... or no non-speakerphone settings.... or volume control.....
Still, +15 intelligence to me.
Also, the camera works, too. The battery was just dead, but when I put it in the charging port, I thought the light was supposed to be red while charging. Apparently it flashes green. When it went to solid green, I took it out, and it worked!
Mai forum look different!
nope!
don't like it.
Wat du u mean, 'nope', lol?
Of course it's different... lol...
'Tis a red carpet
Can't see the carpet, just part of the stairs.
Ugh... for some reason the client keeps timing out. I restarted FF, cleared everything, and it still returns an error and sometimes makes me re sign in. I did see what you said, though, SK, and all you need to do is click on the forum 'home' tab, then back to 'topics', so that no thread is selected. You'll then see Mr. Janitor as a bonus feature, and be able to tell where I took that picture
Someone's making the best of the new YouTube:
Wow, he's amazing!
A drug originally meant for glaucoma patients has been evaluated by the FDA as a safe method of making eyelashes longer and fuller...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28073316/
Wow.
Oh dear... why do these things even happen?
Hmmm... wonder if my dad uses that
Actually, I think he does.. the drug name is ringing a bell
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I've found it!), but 'That's funny...'
Or anything relating to an explosion
hahahaha
you mean:
"Oh, sh-"
?
Or "everything is perfectly normOH GOD WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED"
*BOOM*
oops
or the classic "uh, it's probably not a problem, but..*cue cascade failure*" (classic half-life game)
That was.... interesting...
Seems like every time they do something big and sciencey in the Half-Life games, there's some "small discrepancy" that's within tolerances. At the beginning of Half-Life 1 this caused a resonance cascade, at the end of Half-Life 2: Episode 2 it interfered in no way whatsoever with the launching of the rocket (but may have been caused by the garden gnome you can put into the nose of the rocket for an achievement)
I hadn't actually launched the rocket yet, so I looked up the ending, found a clip of the GMan telling Alyx to prepare for unforseen consequences. HOLY @#%! That's the name of the level in the original game right after the cascade failure.
apologies to those who don't care.
[Spoilers in white text... probably should have done that before] Yeah... when Alyx is almost-dying from being attacked by a giant antlion, he tells her to pass that message to her father, I think he's supposed to have also told Eli the same thing just before the resonance cascade. Not sure whether the "unforseen consequences" at this point were Eli's death or something else yet unknown.
(Gone over in class today): http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1371223/posts
"He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."
"He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something."
"Is it not meningitis?"
- Please leave the room if this will offend you. No, no! Don't! Don't! Don't! Stay back! This could hurt someone!
- Who: R. Budd Dwyer, Treasurer of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, before he placed the barrel of a .357 Magnum revolver into his mouth and pulled the trigger in front of TV news cameras that were videotaping what was originally presumed to be a press conference (Dwyer had been found guilty of accepting bribes, and professed his innocence to the literal last moments of his life. The press conference was held on what was to be the day before his sentencing).
- Note: Because his last words are spoken over the shouts of horrified news reporters and Dwyer's own staff, his last words are not clearly heard on the videotape. They are also quoted as: "Stay back, this thing will hurt someone!", "Listen! This'll hurt someone!" or "Listen! This is gonna hurt someone!".
HAHAHAHAH I like the lame duck one
yeah, i liked the duck too. I've actually read those in the last week or so, but i can for the life of me remember where i saw them....
Can or cannot?
damn! how did that one sneak through?
It's crafty!
