This game is going to be one that requires a longer response. The basic idea is the poster above you posts a wish. You then grant that wish, but twist it so it's actually bad. Then ask a wish of your own. Example:

 I wish I had a big bowl of chocolate ice cream with sprinkles.

 You do, but it lives in your heart. Isn't that touching?

 I wish I could find a way to make my cool pendant glow in the dark without impeding it's spinning.

 Granted! Now it glows . . . whenever orcs are close.

And so on...

If a lot of people try to play this game at once, we might get tangled up. So if it gets hectic start indicating which poster you're responding to (the @[username] is a pretty standard method).

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. 

HAHAHAHAAHAHAH

This sounds excellent!! Wait, lemme invite more ppl in

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow.

You don't, you have compassionate leave because of your entire family dying in a series of freak fire-related accidents

I wish I had a delicious chicken sandwich 

I wish I had a delicious chicken sandwich

You do, enjoy your delicious chicken brain and heart sandwich. Mmmmmm finger lickin' good!

I wish I had a wallet that when opened always had a thousand dollars in it divided into $100 bills. 

I wish I had a wallet that when opened always had a thousand dollars in it divided into $100 bills.

Enjoy being mugged

I wish I had a delicious sandwich made from pure, tender chicken breast-meat (maybe leg, that's good too) sandwiched between 2 slices of white bread, that is completely free of defects

I wish I had a delicious sandwich made from pure, tender chicken breast-meat (maybe leg, that's good too) sandwiched between 2 slices of white bread, that is completely free of defects

 Granted, here it is, I picked it off the floor.

 I wish I had a big new appartment, with new IKEA furniture.

I don't mind floor-food, thank you for my sandwich  (its free of defects, so it can't have suffered too badly on the floor)

IKEA furniture.. you're really making this too easy

Your furniture is still in flat pack form, and none of the boxes contain the little allen key tool, or any screws

Also your apartment is on fire 

... The game stops if you don't wish for anything ...

*Hard Reset* 

 I wish my little sister wouldn't use up all the hot water.

She doesn't, but does use up all the cold water resulting in third degree burns for you.

I wish I was the best athlete in the world.

You are the best athlete at underground toe fighting.

I wish the next poster could say nothing bad or evil or corrupted about this wish.

I won't.. but you didn't really wish for anything, so you still get squat

(alternatively, now you have no warning about the evil that will beset you)

I wish for more imagination so the next time I get a wish I ask for more than a sandwich

you did... you asked for two sandwiches

I wish my boyfriend would cut his trip short and come home early 

he comes home but its to break up

i wish i had a puppy 

oh no that's so meaaaaan!!

 you do have a puppy, I bought it in china, and it's been precooked for your diner

 I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow

Hey that was my wish.

You don't have to go to work tomorrow, because you were laid off.

I wish I only needed an hour of sleep each night. 

you only get an hour of sleep each night because you are in a "saw" like situation. sleep over an hour and you get burned alive.

i wish that i had a coke right now 

you get a coke but its flat

i wish i had a deep dish pizza 

any coke is good coke,

you get a anchovie special

i wish i was ripped. *muscles w/ a six pack* 

you have muscles but you die cause of the steroids

i wish my neck didnt hurt 

Your neck doesn't hurt anymore, well at least not as far as you can tell. You're much too concerned about your missing arm to care about your neck.

I wish I were in Dixie. Hooray! Hooray! 

You can go and be in Dixie, but its the epicentre of a zombie apocalypse, barely an un-eaten brain in sight

I wish I had a pet volcano!

Your pet volcano erupts, spewing not lava but thousands of Britney Spears clones.  The world unites against you and you are sentenced to death.

I wish for more wishes. 

You get more wishes but they make you spontaneously combust.

I wish I had a hamburger.

You have a hamburger but it was made from your own flesh.

I wish everything was made of Nerf. 

That includes food, now everything tastes nasty.

I wish I had a Xbox 360.

You get one of the older models that catch fire.

I wish you were taller. 

Whee! I got taller. Unfortunately I now need to go buy clothes, thanks a lot.

And no fair wishing something for somebody else.

I wish I had a Macbook Pro 

You have a Macbook Pro, but unfortunately the network interface is irrecoverably broken, preventing you from connecting to the internet.

I wish I could wish things for other people. 

You can, but your closest family  must suffer the opposite.

I wish that no one grant this wish 

Your wish gets granted because its opposite day and no one told you.

I wish I wasn't hungry. 

You are not, you are well fed and grossly obese.

I wish it wasn't opposite day 

Ok, you never experience hunger again

but your stomach is still empty, you die of starvation after a period of several weeks.

aww crud...

It isn't opposite day, now try and figure out whether I mean it or not

I wish I had a metric tonne of chocolate 

You have a tonne of chocolate. In your pockets.

I wish I knew if it is opposite day 

You know and you find out it was lieing.

I wish I had a new laptop. 

You got it, but the heat from the bottom made you infertile

I wish for world peace 

Peace reigns. On another world.

I wish someone would tell me the ultimate resolution to Pi 

Your brain explodes from storing an infinite number of digits

I wish for peace on Earth between all humans (damn loopholes) 

You find out, but Pi is then rendered obsolete.

I wish my grandma didnt just come home. 

There is peace on Earth between all Humans. But you need a time machine to go back to ancient East Africa when and where humans were few, to witness it.

I wish someone would follow the rules of this game and grant me my Pi wish. 

SOmeone does but you dont pay attention and you go on thinking the world is ignoring you.

I wish my grandma wasnt home 

Your Grandma isn't home. But she is left out in the elements, suffering and swearing vengence.

I wish I had a time machine. 

You have one but it doesnt work.

i wish my memory was better

(that's too easy)

Your memory is better, but you can't recall anything because you are too busy recalling everything.- Overload.

I wish that small children never went hungry. Here on Earth. Human Children. In the Here and Now. Everywhere there is Need.

The children dont go hungry but everything thats not a child starves.

I wish I had a nintendo DS 

You do, but thanks to an unfortunate firmware error it only plays Super Princess Peach.

I wish fireworks weren't illegal in Arizona. 

They are not. But they are sold to even the youngest of children and the mentally defficient.

I wish ccould walk on water 

You can, but you sink on land.

I wish I knew what you were thinking.

You know but now you cant think your own thoughts

i wish i could go swimming today.  

You can but only in lava.

I wish I didn't need to do yard work. 

You can, but only in shark infested water.

I wish I could walk on land again. 

You can walk on land again, but only if you're walking backwards.

I wish my lunch break weren't almost over. 

It now lasts forever because youre fired.

I wish my song didnt mess up at the end. 

It doesn't but now it never ends and you cannot listen to anything else.

I wish my car got 100 miles to the gallon. 

it does, but only with your blood

I wish i knew what i was doing 

It does, but the gallon is of oil instead of gasoline

I wish Vista liked Second Life

@drdec.. will do monty's in a second

@ monty:
Your other personality does know what you are doing.
And I still wish Vista liked Second Life.

It does, but the EULA requires you to receive cranial implants and become Bill Gates slave.

I wish it weren't so easy to reply to the wrong wish. 

It isn't, for you anyway as you've been moved to a non-Tangler forum. Have fun over there.

 I wish the words in the text box would keep up with how fast I'm typing.

It keeps up but it spells everything wrong.

I wish today was tomorrow. 

tomorrow doesn't exist, it is an abstract concept created inside of our minds

so now today doesn't exist either, the entire universe just turned into an abstract concept

I wish I had a cool monkey, who is disease free, totally docile, is living, will continue to live for the forseeable future but is not a zombie or a were-monkey or anything bad like that and who is awesome in every conceivable way

and also i'm still alive to enjoy having the perfect monkey, and there is nothing else wrong with the world to prevent me from doing so

You get one but it runs away.

I wish I had a valid drivers licence. 

You do have a valid drivers license, I want it back now though.

I wish people wouldn't try to escape the horrible fate that will befall them as a result of playing this game. 

they dont now the game is boring and nobody plays it anymore.

i wish i had a bmx bike

You do, only it won't work unless you're not wearing a helmet. Careful on those jumps now.

I wish I were a better writer.

You are but can only write in a foreign language you dont understand.

I wish I had a wireless computer mouse. 

You do, but the cat won't stop chasing it.

I wish this tangled thread would unknot itself.

It does then it ties you in a knot.

I wish periods didnt exist. 

They dont in fact punctuation has disappeared all together Thanks a lot now we dont have anything to end our sentences with grammar as we know it is going to break down And how on earth are we going to make emoticons now

I wish recycling computers was cheaper

It is you just have to ruin the environment in the process.

I wish I did not have anything I needed to wish for. 

Now you dont have that or anything else. now you live in squalor.

I wish I didnt just eat that many fries. 

Now you have no fries and you're hungry again

I wish for everyone in the universe to die in horrible agony (just try and make that worse than it already is )

They all come back as zombies and torture you until the day you die, then torture you as a zombie.

I wish I had Mo's fan. 

you do... but now mo is so hot that they send a kill file at you

I wish that i wasn't stuck on what to wish for next

You are not now, but so overwhelmed for choices, you spend the rest of your life typing them out.

I wish I knew how to end the "Last Post" game with me winning it. 

You win it, but there's no one around to see, and if there's no one around to see it, you didn't really really win it did ya?

I wish the sun wasn't in my eyes

It isn't, you lost them in a terrible accident.

I wish dek knew, before she typed the above, that I was going to cut and paste it into that game. 

Dek knew, but still doesn't know what it all means...

I wish ants could speak

They do. To you. All the time. They don't listen. They only talk about boring things. And nobody believes you can hear them.

I wish I had a proper bed to sleep on instead of the floor. 

You do. But it's stolen from an orphanage that only had the one.

 I wish I had some magical cheese.

you have the cheese, but its only power is to kill

i wish i could dance well

You can dance, but you're completely tone deaf

i wish the stooopid printer would work

It does, but now your computer is broken and someone stole your hard disc

I wish to be super-badass-awesome 

You are but are killed in a pub brawl.

I wish I were happy.

You are, but no one around you is

I wish the earth was flat

The earth is flat. But you fell off the edge having a look.

I wish no one could grant me my next wish but one.

I turn out to be the one who can grant your wish, and as usual, I mess it up, and you end up having to grant everyone else's wish

I wish the days were longer

The days are longer  - on other planets.

I wish people would stop giving me so many opportunities to say "on other planet/s" 

People stop that.... you now have endless opportunities to say 'When I was younger'....

I wish I were home now

You are home, but on another planet with no broadband connection.

I wish that were not so easy 

(hahahahahaah I don't have broadband at home anyways!!!)

It isn't, you got it wrong

I wish I had something to munch on right now

Munch on this! I didn't get anything wrong. No BB here or on another planet, it makes no difference.

I wish people would stop using these games to further their own agenda (dek!)

People don't further their agenda, but you become so paranoid, you still believe they do

I wish I had a gardener

You do have a garderner. But  your garden is now The Secret Garden, and he can't find it.

I wish I knew who to vote for. 

You do know who to vote for but the choice is so reprehensible you would rather commit suicide.

I wish the days (on Earth, in the city where I live) were as long as all year as they currently are. 

The days are as long as you wish. But you are so awed and frightened by the knowledge that there is abroad on the earth a power so great it can grant wishes that defy the laws of nature and God, you become an instant reclusive shut-in, unable to go outside, ever.

Now considering the rules of this game: I wish I were not as insanely wealthy as I am. (I do wish that this works.)

Granted.  Unfortunately the only way to not be as XXX as you are is not to be.  Goodbye.

I wish trees were blue. 

(TIME OUT Eh? Plese explain wish fulfillment)

You wished you were not as wealthy as you are.  No matter how wealthy I make you, that is how wealthy you are.  Therefore the only way is grant the wish is for you not to exist.

I wish trees were blue. 

(Oh yeah! Thanks for that)

Trees are blue. And isn't that tragic enough on it's own? They'd all die due to lack of chloraphil ( check spelling)

I wish i had spare knees

Do you have spare knees -- on your arms.  Now you have no elbows and have to walk on all fours.

I wish spelling were easier. 

Spelling is  easier, now that everyone can sull hu dey lik, bit nu wun cun n'dorstund ech itter.

O wis O cud swum on te oshin uf Uropa 

You are instantly transported to Europa and swim for about a second before perishing in the harsh conditions.

I wish no one can cause me or anyone else any harm, including the grantor of my wish and including the process of granting the wish. 

Granted. No one can cause any other, any harm, of any sort what-so-ever.

Are you wondering yet?

Babies can no longer be born and cause the pain of childbirth.

And in case you suggest it...... 

Caesarian Sections are out because unable to do any harm, surgeons (and dentists) go out of business and peole die due to lack of invasive care.  

I wish everyone(me included)  had a magical shield protecting them against the blowback effects of wish making.

You have that shield, but it has a hole in it.

Or you have that shield, and it has no holes in it... so you die of  suffocation.


I wish that the cleaning fairies would come and throw out the garbage in my apartment.

The cleaning faries come and as every thing you own looks like garbage to them (they are faires fter all) and trow it all out.

(My sheid is magical So it is implied it will not have holes, nor will it suffocate everyone even you) 

I wish I knew if my boyfriend is gay or not. (now we are just being silly)

Do you know.  Unfortunately it is not the answer you were hoping for.

I wish there were more episodes of the original Muppet Show. 

There are more episodes, but they are s**t. They were called Fraggle Rock.

I wish I could walk on the ceiling. 

You can, but it is because your house has been turned upside down.

I wish there were fewer lawyers. 

There are fewer lawyers, but.........

.......No,  let's not spoil it.

I wish that my leg would stop hurting 

I does not hurt anymore because you no longer have legs (need a lawyer?)

I wish there were no DRM. 

Digital Rights Management? There isn't. And no more Digital Rights. For anyone. And chaos reigns.

I wish there were no more acronyms and initial clusters that are not entirely necessary. 

There are no more acronyms.  But every publication just grew by 25% and became much less readable.  (As an aside, I worked on a project for the Navy where the letters in the acronyms stood for other acronyms...)

I wish for an unlimited supply of laughter that I may only access when I desire it.

Digital Rights Management? There isn't. And no more Digital Rights. For anyone. And chaos reigns.

Sounds good to me, I don't have any Digital Rights to manage so abolishing the idea of them doesn't effect me 

 As an aside, I worked on a project for the Navy where the letters in the acronyms stood for other acronyms...

Recursive acronyms are good too, mainly found in Free or Open Source Software (aka FOSS) such as GNU - GNU's Not Unix, Wine - Wine Is Not an Emulator or LINA - LINA Is Not an Acronym

Anyway, you get your laughter, you access it once and the feeling is so wonderful that you can't bear to stop

There are worse ways to go, but you still die of lung exhaustion from laughing too much

I wish I could go out in the rain without it bothering me 

You can because you are now a frog.

I wasn't talking about recursive acronyms.  I was talking about acronyms that contain other acronyms.  E.g., you might have an acronym NAM which stands for NCF Account Manager where NCF stands for NATO Christmas Fund.

I wish that no more wishes were ignored. 

They aren't. Ever. Every wish made in the world from now on is instantly granted.

Unfortunately there are a lot of melodramatic kids/teens out there who would have wished half their families (and/or themselves) dead before they caught on to the fact that it was actually happening, some environmental nutjobs who think the world would be better off without the human race, and plenty of bigoted people who might wish vast groups of the worlds population out of existence.

I wish for one free, uncorrupted wish

which I would then use to wish for another chicken sandwich (the first one never came, AurelieL lied to me)

There is exactly one free, uncorrupted wish.  Unfortunately because it is free is does not belong to you.

I wish all my upgrade scripts were idempotent. 

They are.. but they caught fire

I wish I knew what idempotent means

You do but you become the other potent word (a hint, starts with im...)

 I wish I had a million dollars

You do, but they are from the American Confederatacy and so they aren't worth anything.

I wish that USB drives never died.

They don't, but the comps you plug em into keep dying

I wish could drive and Tangle at the same time

No-ones stopping you, but you'll still probably hit something

I wish I didn't need to sleep (and suffered no ill effects fro sleep deprivation) 

You don't need to sleep, but you kill yourself when trying to fill 24 hours with stuff to do gets too hard

I wish my car was a Transformer

Granted, but it's a paradox: 

Your car not only is a transformer but, like alomost all cars, has a transformer,  which transforms into something else when transforming, so without a transformer it no longer works and so can't transform in the first place.

I wish I could live forever but only through the good bits. 

You can but it turns out there are no good bits, enjoy oblivion.

I wish for world peace. 

I already did that, I was told that there was now peace on another world

This time, all the nations of Earth come together and make peace, destroy all their weapons, etc etc, then we're invaded by aliens 

I wish I could put words in Super-King's mouth, since he didn't make a wish!

Go right ahead, but you get pretty bored talking to yourself.

I wish I was more careful about duplicates. 

You are, but then you get overwhelmed by triplicates instead.

I wish my toes and fingers weren't frozen right now

They arent but they fall off.

I wish I didnt have to get a job. 

You don't have to get a job, but playing tangle games all day causes you to forget to pay your rent and you get evicted...

I  wish penguins could fly

They can, but they swoop down and attack you everytime you leave your house.

I wish I had a skeleton key

You do but it only unlocks skeleton locks.

I wish you would grant my wish in palidrome format. 

If this was written in another language it would be a palindrome, but I'll never tell you which language that is

I wish for eternal youth (if you can't twist that, you're not trying hard enough ) 

Now you're a pre-pubescent orphan

I wish Monday was tomorrow. 

It is, and it will still be tomorrow when the clock ticks past midnight, and it will still be tomorrow when Sunday comes to an end, and after Tuesday it will still be tomorrow....

I wish to age a little more, reach the "prime" of my life, then cease aging and never die. Say mid-20s, that looks like a good age to stick at.

Your wish is granted.  I gave you Stephen Hawking's body at the same time, but with your brain.  No need to thank me.

I wish this place weren't such a mess. 

Wish granted: now your place is empty... so you have no stuff to make a mess.

I wish I didn't have trouble sleeping

You don't, but now you have trouble waking up

I wish I had someone to cook me brekky

You do, it's the guy you picked up last night, only you had beer goggles when you did and he's "coyote ugly"

I wish my cat would stop biting my arm.

It does, as soon as it bites your arm off.

I wish i was a paradox. 

You are, sometimes.

 I wish i came up with something wittier than my last sentence.

You did, but it was so good i stole it.

I wish i could think faster.

You can, but it is pretty boring when all you can think about is the word "faster".

I wish I did not beleive in reincarnation. 

You don't, but without the comfort offered by believing there is "something more" you start to see everything as pointless, become depressed and commit suicide

although on the up side you can now enjoy being a bee 

I wish all the "subscribe to this magazine and build a collection week by week" adverts would go away, and everyone who produces them would find something better to do with their lives

They go away, and the ppl who produce them have now turn to door sales, with your house always scheduled for 8am Sat

I wish I could leap across roof tops

You can. But you often collide with low flying aircraft.

I wish that no more wishes were made. 

Granted. But then you die and your wish is undone

I wish I wasn't bored

I am not dead, stop wishing.

You are not bored. Everyone else is and think you are mad.

I wish I could turn gold into base metals. 

You can, but you don't have any gold to experiment with, and no-one will let you near their stash of gold because they all heard about your new power

I wish my headphones didn't add a constant, low-level amount of line noise to any music I play through them

They don't - now they add an irregular high pitched sound all the time

I wish humans and animals could communicate

They can, now we'll be constantly berated by every animal around us for the state of the planet

I wish I had a cookie 

Here you go! sgskjgkhskjhg746572456875kjhgksgh43572345bmnghsjdgs98563745kjasfhaksfh73657845yksjhfa745

I wish  I don't get stale banana bread today

hmm.. can't tell if this is a "dek doesn't like banana bread, and its even worse stale" thing or a "dek likes banana bread but doesn't want it stale" thing

Since banana bread is so awesome I'll assume the second and say that your wish is granted, but you never get any fresh banana bread ever again either 

I wish I knew what people were thinking in ambiguous situations

You now can, but their thoughts are so ambiguous, it doesn't provide you any relief in such situations.

I wish I had a new lappie

Sure thing, so long as you don't mind it coming direct from the 80s

oooh, its so beige 

 I wish for this wish to be corrupted

Hoidfr, khgekjhfhi jdfei hrgjrgerh, gdwugfjk,dhewkfh.

I wish for clean and plentiful water for all those human - people who need it,  whenever they need it. Here on earth. Forever.

(let's see which mean B@*!# %D screws this one up)

Turns out, there ain't that many humans on earth.... So not that much water needed


I wish my head didn't hurt

I just cut it off.

I wish I had more space in my head freezer. 

Your head freezer now contains the entire universe and as such can never be opened unless you wish to create a neverending paradoxial loop.

i wish i was taller

You're taller, but now you can't get into homes, trains, buses, planes, cars - you basically can't get in

I wish my earphones wouldn't hurt my ears

your earphones now cushion your whole head. But now you can't see.

i wish i wasn't up this early

You are not up this early. You are tucked up in bed and only dreaming. Whooooo!

I  wish futurologists would stop making predictions about society that never come to pass.

They now only make accurate predictions.  Unfortunately the foreknowledge of what will happen causes mass panic and riots.  Ironically, this was one of the first predictions.

I wish this wish weren't in the subjunctive voice. 

@drdec ("Ironically, this was one of the first predictions."  - lol)

It wasn't. You suffererd subjunctivitis whilst writing.

I wish I had a desire to make a wish right now.

You do, but now its not your turn to make a wish

I wish that john robie doesn't get whatever it is he now desires  

I wish that Super King wasn't such a mean SOB

(that covers both, I think) 

Ok, I'm not a mean SOB any more

The people you'll meet the next time you enter an alley on the other hand... 

I wish for my ability to be a mean SOB back

IS THIS OK?

I wish for my ability to be a mean SOB back : I wish that john robie doesn't get whatever it is he now desires. 

You answered your own desires. 

I wish I never have to go into an alley again. 

You don't. You now get a good kicking in the middle of the street.

I wish i understood everything. 

You do now understand everything. Like why Kicking folks in the middle of the street is not a good thing. 

I wish Monty loved me enough  not to do that.^^^

Monty now loves you so much that kicking you in the middle of the street is the only plausable way to express that love.

I wish i had mallets for hands.

You do, only they're not connected to your arms. Lets see you pick them up now!

I wish to express my sincerest apologies to JR for any pain i may have caused during that kicking.  

Done, but he mistakes it for sarcasm because you were so incredibly sincere and now he's going to wait until you're not looking then kick you

I wish the thing I bought from ebay would be here soon (and in full working order, completely free of any harmful or non-harmful defects, and it is what I ordered, and I don't get overcharged or undercharged or conned in any way)

he thing you brought from ebay arrives and is in full working order and completley free of any harmful or non-harmful defects and it is what you ordered. And you don't get overcharged or undercharged or conned in any way. However, upon delivery of the item, the delivery driver sexually assults you and you now have aids and bad memories.

I wish it were yesterday

It is..... depending on where you are, you are in my yesterday

I wish I could make people do what I want them to do

You can, but now you don't know what you want. Like all women.

I wish people would stop giving me a good kicking me in the middle of the street and telling me it's an expression of their love.

Ok, in that case we're back to a kicking in an alley

I wish I had more time 

You now have all the time in existance, but it's locked in a box and cannot move forwards.

I wish my girlfriends kitchen wasn't yellow

It isn't, but your girlfriend is instead

I wish i had my corrupted wish proof vest on. 

You do but it has a large hole in it rendering it worthless.

I wish Harry Potter wasnt over

It isn't, but now you have to put up with his incessant whinging in your head

No wish from Dek...!  Lets assume she wished for nothing.

Granted Dek, you now have nothing.

I wish that everyone in the world with terrorist tendencies would get a debilitating disease with lots of pain that cannot be suppressed, die after six days of dreadful suffering and then have more excruciating pain while they slowly evapourate.  Ok well maybe I'll wish for something less likely...

I'm going to London for a meeting on Monday Morning and I wish for a seat on the 07.01 train from Colchester to Liverpool Street.

You get the seat, but the train doesn't leave the station....

I wish I won't forget to wish in the future

You won't forget but "THEM" who grant the wish will always interpret what you wish for to give an amusing result.

I wish that there was always fresh ice in the dispenser.

You have fresh ice, but no drink to go with it...

I wish I wasn't feeling feverish

You no longer feel feverish - it is feeling you....

I wish for my toast always to be light brown hot and crisp, no matter how much butter I put on it.

You get your wish, but the moment you butter it, it'll fall on the ground, buttered side down

I wish i controlled the media

You do control the media....and that explains a lot.

I wish I had a magic horse.

You get a magic horse, but it keeps throwing you off.

I wish I had a Jetson car
 

You have a Jetson car, but it looks like this and is therefore a bit shit.

I wish I had some more Oxycodone......Ooooh look I do.

I ship you your oxcodone. But only because it doesn't do me any good. And it doesn't do you any more good than it does me.

I wish I had a pain pill that really worked for my knee pain.

I suggest you try leeches. Or Yttrium as I did recently (injected into the knee).

I wish this I knew what I was doing?

You do, but now so does everybody else, and your primitive notions of privacy are a thing of the past.

I wish I could go back to the build a bear workshop.

You do, but the bears come to life and attack you.

I wish I could wash the outside of these windows

You can but you are not tied up.

I wish I could eat chocolate cake every day and not gain a pound or Kg.

you can, but you will gain two pounds or kgs each day

and John Robie: I wish I could do yltrium, but it didn't work the first time, so I can't do it again.

I wish l knew what to ask for next!

I grant callkathy the stones to ask for, no demand,  a new artificial knee (non useless wish). Or a shit load of regular injections of cortisone, on her health insurance plan.

I wish one of the magic cures we are so often promised actually worked but didn't kill us in the process.